The Loudest Silence
by BeautifulInsanity13
Summary: Beginning two years after the epilogue of the seventh book, this is the story of Luna's daughter as she goes through Hogwarts. Set mostly in fifth year, with the first few chapters in first year. Finished and dedicated to Lollie Sanchez.
1. Me and My Mum

**Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for the beautiful piece of literature that is Harry Potter. A couple of characters are mine, but that's all. And I'm sorry for any of JK Rowling's characters that I try to write and accidentally mutilate.**

After I opened my eyes, it took me a full minute to remember why I felt so happy. Hogwarts!

I bounded out of bed and pushed open my window. A fresh gust of cool Irish wind blew through my curls, waking me up properly. Then I bounded out of my room, slid down the banister, and skipped into the kitchen, where Mum was leaned over with her elbows on the counter, frowning perplexedly at the flour, eggs, and other assorted baking paraphernalia, along with a recipe for crepes. When she saw me, her face broke into a smile and she gave me a great big hug, then held me at arms length, to get a good look at me, I suppose. I was struck, not for the first time, by how much I look like her. We have the same long, white blond hair, although hers is fairly straight, whereas mine is a mop of tangled curls, and the same blue eyes, though mine are a tad darker. We also have the same long fingers and tiny feet, and ridiculous milk-white skin.

'Saiorse Lovegood, I just don't know how you got to be so grown up. It seems like just yesterday, I was helping vanquish the Dark Lord, and now I have a half grown daughter who, despite being eleven years old, can make crepes, whereas her mother can only make Freshwater Plimpy Stew.' I laughed and hugged her again, then began mixing ingredients, while Mum got out the pan. Soon, I had a plateful of mouth-watering crepes, filled with Dirigible Plum Jelly, for the two of us to enjoy spread on a blanket in the garden. We talked as we ate, mostly about Hogwarts. Mum wanted to make sure that I wasn't nervous, that I had everything packed, that I'd remembered the jar of Dirigible Pum seeds for Neville, or 'Professor Longbottom', as I was now supposed to call him. After breakfast, Mum cleared up with a wave of ger wand, and I ran upstairs to get dressed. I threw on a pair of jeans, a tank top, because it was promising to be a warm day, and a pair of comfy black soft soled ballet shoes. I ran a brush through my hair, then tied it off of my face with a floaty blue scarf. I packed my last few things (journal, toothbrush, slippers), then shut my trunk. It had been my mum's when she went to Hogwarts, and it had been in my room since I was a baby. She'd offered to get me my own, but I wanted the comfort of the familiar thing.

I shouted down the stairs 'Mum, could I have a little help with my trunk please?'

She shouted something indistinct in reply, but apparently she'd heard, as the trunk lifted itself in the air and started making it's way slowly down the stairs. I climbed carefully onto it as it floated past, hitching a ride down the spiral staircase. Mum, standing at the bottom, laughed when she saw me, and set me and the trunk down by the fireplace, where I sat up and crossed my legs. She kissed me on the forehead, and then slapped hers.

'Oh! I almost forgot! Wait here,' she said, and then sock skidded around the corner, into our little living room. She was back a moment later, holding a smallish wicker basket, which she set down on my lap. I looked at her quizzically.

'A going away present. So you don't get lonely,' she said. I opened the basket to see a perfect kitten, only a few weeks old. I lifted her out carefully, where she purred in my arms, a little pouf of chocolate brown fuzz.

'Ma, she's _beautiful_!' I exclaimed, beaming.

'Well, I was thinking that Lily has an owl, and so does Hugo, and they'd both be more than willing to share, so another for you would be redundant, but a cat is cozy and cuddly and makes you happy. It was as close as I could get to putting a me in your pocket,' she replied, smiling back. I carefully put the kitten back into the basket, but left the top open. I glanced at the clock.

'Mum! It's nearly ten, and that's when we're meeting everyone at the Leaky Cauldron!' I shrieked, on the verge of a total excited meltdown.

'Calm down,' Mum said, a smile tweaking the corners of her mouth. 'We've got ten minutes.' She handed me my book bag, which she'd made for me herself, a couple of years before. Usually, I used it when we walked to the village to pick up groceries. Today, however, it was filled with an assortment of items that I hadn't put in it. 'There's your lunch, and some money for sweets on the train, and a little shawl, in case you get cold,' Mum explained. I stood up, carefully putting the kitten in her basket on top of the trunk, and slung the bag over my head, so the strap rested on my right shoulder, while the bag itself bumped against my left hip, so my hands were free. Then I helped Mum load my trunk into the fireplace. She took some Floo Powder and stood beside it, then threw the powder down and yelled 'The Leaky Cauldron!' and off she whizzed. I closed the lid of the wicker basket tightly, then climbed into the fireplace myself. I repeated her words and clutched the basket tightly, watching the other fireplaces whiz past. Finally, I stopped at one and stepped out of it, into a dingy pub where ten people stood waiting for me; my friends, and my godparents. (Well, strictly speaking, four of my godparents; Neville wasn't there.) I found myself pounced upon by five tweens, my age or a little older, who were my best friends in the whole world; James, Rose, Albus, Lily, and Hugo. Their parents were close behind, and there were a few confused minutes of hugs and greetings and news, with screeching owls and two mewing cats adding to the mayhem. Finally, everything settled out, the adults imposed some sort of order by conjuring little trolleys and levitating trunks onto them. So, in some kind of organized chaos, we all tumbled out into the street.

**A/N: This story does start out slow, and I'm posting in 1000 word chapters, so that I can get them out fairly regularly. Cheers, Elle**


	2. Past and Present Goodbyes

We were a motley crew, a bunch of skinny white kids, including a couple of black-haired boys, two flaming red heads, a bushy brunette girl and me, the albino. Each of us looked like the spitting image of one of the five adults with us, and I'm sure that some passers-by probably thought that we were the product of some bizarre cloning experiment (which you do occasionally see, this being 2018 and all.) James was telling Rose all about Hogsmeade, while Albus assured Lily and Hugo that James and their Uncle George had been kidding when they'd said you had to wrestle trolls. Harry and Ron brought up the rear, chatting.

"…Hughie wanted a rat, but I put my foot down," Ron was saying. "Ever since Scabbers, rats give me the willies." Harry laughed, sounding relaxed and happy.

To my left, Hermione and Ginny were teasing my mum about the Irish brogue she's picked up in the last five years, and how it keeps getting more pronounced.

To tell the truth, I barely remember living in London. It's a blur of smog and tourists and rallies in the streets, everyone trying to save the world. A lot of them went on, just after my father split. He's the reason we left, really; London was bringing Mum down, everything there reminded her of him.

I remember Ginny coming over one day, not long before my sixth birthday.

I was still in my pajamas, because there was no one to tell me to change out of them, even though it was suppertime, and I was in my bedroom, drawing pictures with my _actually _Magic Markers, so that things moved and stuff. Like, the big purple castle that was my interpretation of Hogwarts shimmered, while all the windows glowed orange, and the violently blue lake sparkled. The Whomping Willow was in the bottommost corner, taking irritable whacks at passing birds.

Mum was in her bed, asleep.

She'd been sleeping lots lately, hardly ever getting out of bed. I hadn't been going to school, but I, being six, hadn't been all that fussed, really, but I was worried about Mum. I took her sandwiches, and tea, a few times a day, bit she'd hardly eaten anything. So I did what I usually did when I was upset; wrote to Ginny.

About an hour after I'd sent the owl, Ginny arrived at our front door, us not having a fireplace in the flat and all. She got me to pack a backpack full of clothes, and put on shoes and a jacket, then she took Mum out of her bed, put a jacket on her, and dragged us down four flights of stairs and two blocks through downtown London, to a small café run by people they went to school with, a couple of Indian women with alliterative names. The café was connected to the Floo Network, and we were off to Ginny and Harry's.

We lived there for a couple of weeks; I shared a room with Lily, as well as clothes, toys, and a really wicked cold, while Mum stayed in the guest room and was fed endless amounts of soup and sympathy by Ginny.

Then we moved into this funny house in Ireland, which I love, where we've lived happily ever since. And I can't even barely not remember having an accent. So. Now we're back in London, this time to make some better memories.

Lily came over and poked me in the ribs, snapping me out of my reverie. 'So, are you excited?' she asked.

'Yep, and scared witless too,' I replied.

'That makes two of us,' she said.

'That makes two of us _together_,' I reminded her. 'We'll eat together and have classes together, and hang out in free time together, and possibly be in the same house and sleep in the same dormitory. And we'll have classes with Hughie, and Al and James and Rose will all be around, and we've known most of the professors since we were born, like Hagrid and Neville and Charlie. We'll be fine.' I gave her a one armed hug, which is difficult to do while walking down the street with a trunk the size of you and a kitten in a basket. The attempt made us both nearly fall over, and sent us into fits of giggles. We kept going, debating names for my kitten, whom Lily hadn't seen yet. (Lily's owl was named Athena, after the Greek goddess whose symbol the owl was.) Finally, the eleven of us had reached the station. We drew some funny looks as we walked along, and slid into Platform 9 ¾ with an attempt at inconspicuosity.

Soon, we were dragging our trunks onto the scarlet steam engine. I gave my funny purple trunk a small smile and a little wave of my fingers, as I realized that the next I saw it, I'd be in my new dormitory at Hogwarts.

Then it was time to say goodbye. I gave my godparents all hugs and kisses, then went to my mum. I hugged her tight around the middle, smelling her cozy garden-y smell, of green things growing in the sun. When I looked up at her, there were tears on her face. I took my handkerchief out of my pocket and dried them. She smiled at me for that, then gave me another hug. ' I'll miss you so much,' she said.

'It's okay, Mum, you'll be fine. And so will I.' I kissed her on the forehead, thinking as I did so that I was more like the adult here, and she was the kid heading off into the unknown. It was not a comforting thought.

More tears fell, so I gave her my handkerchief; Kurt knows I have too many. I could cry for _years_ and never run out.

Then there was time for one last kiss, and then to rush onto the train and find a compartment amid the mad throngs of humanity.


	3. The Hogwarts Express

**Okay, the silly disclaimers were funny for a while, but now they're just kind of stupid. So…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Hogwarts, etc.**

**So, before you start reading, I want to share something with you. And that is this; take pleasure in colorful marshmallows.**

As the train chugged out of the station, I leaned as far out of my window as I could, to wave goodbye. Ginny ran along the platform after the train, laughing and crying with the rest of the adults chasing after her, much to the scandalized looks of the other parents. We leaned out the window, waving and laughing and blowing kisses, until the train rounded the corner and we lost sight of our parents.

We pulled ourselves into the compartment and sat. I noticed that Hughie was trying to hide his face, and I knew he was crying, so I gave him a great big hug. He smelled like pumpkin pie, all warm and orange and spicy.

"Hey, Hughie, aren't you excited? You're going to Hogwarts!!' I smiled at him and got a weak one in return. Lily crossed the compartment and sat down on my lap, with her back against the window and her legs stretched across Hugo's lap.

'So, Sha,' she began. (She'd called me 'Sha' since we were little kids, since you say my name SEER-sha). ' Any new insights on what to name the kitty?'

'Oh, right, Rose, pass me the basket please.' Rose, who was still deep in conversation with Al, complied. I undid the latch and pulled out the warm little fuzzy ball that was my sleepy kitten, and handed her to Lily. Lily gasped with delight and cooed at the kitten.

'I was thinking of calling her Tonks,' I said. I'd come up with the idea while loading the trunks.

'Tonks?' said Hugo, wrinkling his nose. 'That's a weird name for a kitten. Especially a _girl _kitten.'

'I thought it was kind of cool. It was Teddy's mum's name, y'know.'

'No, I didn't,' said Hugo. Lily was still cooing at the kitten, recently dubbed Tonks.

We passed the next couple of hours quickly, talking and laughing. We all shared bits of our lunches, and stories of the last month since we'd all been together. After lunch, we changed into our new robes.

Before we knew it, we were pulling into Hogsmeade station. I twisted my hair up with my wand, and we joined the throng in the corridor. I noticed that Hugo looked exceptionally pale under his freckles, and Lily's hands were shaking. I swallowed a nervous lump in my own throat, and took a deep breath, calming myself down. We shuffled off the train into the cool evening air.

It was beautiful weather; the air was cool, but not cold, just refreshing, and the sky was clear, the stars like diamonds sprinkled on a blue ocean sky.

We shuffled through the crowd, looking around for Hagrid. The older students jostled us, and we nearly got separated, so we all grabbed hands, Lily, as the smallest, was in the middle.

When we saw Hagrid's massive bulk rising over the crowd, we ran towards him, me and Lily giving him big hugs. He grinned broadly at us from under his bushy black beard.

'Got 'ere all right, then?' he asked, but our replies were drowned by the roar of the train. When all the first years had assembled (some more visibly nervous than others) we headed off through the forest, behind Hagrid. I peered through the trees, trying to glimpse _something. _

I wasn't looking where I was going and tripped over a tree root, stumbling into a pair of kids, a girl and a boy. I apologized, and they said it was no problem.

The girl smiled at me, white teeth flashing against her dark skin. The boy had dark brown hair and looked at me with a bewildered expression, like he knew me, but wasn't sure where from. I was certain that I'd never seen him before in my life, but still, he was somehow familiar.

I fell back again to chat with Lily and Hugo. A minute later, we rounded a corner and gasped with awe. The black silhouette if a towering castle was visible, with turrets and spires and all manner of towers and things. The windows reflected onto the lake like golden fire. A slight breeze rippled the water, and the reflections danced and glittered, molten gold.

Several boats lay on the banks on the lake. We all climbed in, heeding Hagrid's command of 'on'y four to a boat'. A pale, nervous-looking boy with sandy hair joined the three of us in our boat.

The boats moved of their own accord, silently propelling us across the lake. We ducked through a curtain of ivy and glided through an underground waterway. We disembarked in a cavernous subterranean harbor, then climbed a staircase to an enormous set of double doors.

Hagrid rapped on them with a fist the size of a sea turtle and Professor McGonagall opened the door, green-robed, her black hair streaked liberally with gray.

She ushered us all inside, and gave us a quick speech about the different houses, the house cup, yada, yada, yada. I, coming from a wizarding family, knew all of this, and allowed my mind to wander freely. Of course, it wandered upon the sorting that was about to take place.

I knew, more or less, which house I wanted to be in; Gryffindor. If I was being asked to be either cunning, clever, brace, or hardworking, I could best handle being brave. I barely understood what the difference between clever and cunning _was_, and besides, I'd be best to leave that department to my mum, and Hugo's mum and sister, Hermione and Rose. I can be a hard worker, but I want more expected of me than loyalty and a work ethic, you know??

But the idea of being brave and daring gave me a little thrill up my spine just to think about it.

As McGonagall finished her speal, I noticed the boy I'd bumped on the path, standing a little apart from the group. He looked a little shell-shocked, so I sidled over to him.

'Hi,' I said, tentatively.

'Hey,' he said back. He had short, dark brown hair, a thin-bladed nose and sharp grey eyes.

'I'm Saoirse Lovegood.'

'Asher Patrick.' He replied.

'You look a little stunned,' I said. 'Not in a bad way, just kind of…shocked. You new to this whole magic deal?'

'Yeah. I just got this random letter in July. At first, I thought it was my foster brother playing a joke on me. Now, before I know it, I'm God-knows-where, where I'm supposed to start learning magic.'

I laughed. 'When you put it like that, I can see how it would be overwhelming. I've grown up with magic; my mum's a witch, and I grew up with friends who're like brothers and sisters, with magic godparents. We're kind of like one huge, convoluted, tangled family, involving about four Hogwarts teachers.'

'Lucky,' he said, a bit wistfully, but before he could continue, McGonagall had returned, and was ushering us all into a lineup. She nodded briskly at Lily, Hugo and I.

'Potter. Weasley. Lovegood,' then returned to the head of the line. 'Follow me in an orderly fashion, please. No pushing.'

We headed through a set of doors unto the Great Hall. The entire place glowed and sparkled, and the ceiling glittered with stars. Candles floated around the room, illuminating the four house tables. As we lined up in front of the staff table, Charlie Weasley grinned at me. Then, the Sorting Hat broke into song.

**A/N: Okay, because I'm too much of a die-hard HP fan, I'm into wrock. Yes, wizard rock. If you have never heard any, rush at once to Youtube, and listen to 'End of an Era' by Oliver Boyd and the Rembralls. Also, try 'My Dad is Rich' by the Draco Malfoys and 'Acid Quill' or 'I'm Going to Hogwarts' by Devils Snare. That's all. Have fun, and please review. I don't care if its totally unconstructive slander, I just like getting reviews.**


	4. Sorting and Waking

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. JK Rowling does. But I bet that you already knew that.**

Then 'Ackens, Brittany' was called up. The Hat considered for a moment before shouting 'Slytherin!'

Rose caught my eye from the Gryffindor table and waved, as Alexander Bell was made a Hufflepuff. 'Boot, Teresa' was next into Ravenclaw. I spaced a little bit after that, only catching the occasional name.

Christopher Flinch-Fletchley was made a Hufflepuff, but 'Finnegan, Hope' became the first new Gryffindor.

A few more people went by, and then 'Lovegood, Saoirse'. I walked up to the stool. My heart was pounding, and my legs felt like jelly.

I sat down on the stool and put the hat on. It fell over my eyes, and all was dark, hot leather.

Then a small voice spoke in my ear. 'Hm…a brilliant mind, talent, my word yes, and a lust for adventure, well isn't that interesting. But where to put you?'

I focused all my mind on one word-Gryffindor.

'Gryffindor, really, are you sure? With a mind like yours…oh, all right then…GRYFFINDOR!'

I felt weak with relief. I pulled the hat off of my head and tripped lightly over to the Gryffindor table, where I sat down in a fairly empty space.

Two Slytherins and a Ravenclaw later, Asher Patrick was called up, wide eyed and panicked. As he sat down on the stool, I gave him a reassuring smile. He put the Hat onto his head, and a moment later, it screamed 'GRYFFINDOR!'

I joined in the cheering and stomping. Asher made his way over to the table and took the seat I waved him into. Then it was Lily's turn. She trembled like a leaf as she walked up to the stool, but she needn't have worried. A minute later, I was introducing her to Asher, and we waited eagerly as more people were Sorted.

Demelza Thomas turned out to be the girl I'd bumped earlier, and we all cheered as she was sorted into Gryffindor. Then three more, two Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff. Finally, there were only two people left.

Hugo was positively green as he stumbled up to the front. Lily and I waited with bated breath as the Sorting Hat decided, then…Gryffindor!

Lily, James, Albus, Rose and I all yelled the loudest as Hughie sat down between me and Lily. We hugged him and introduced him to Briar, while 'Zeller, Lilac' was made a Hufflepuff. Then, food appeared on the gleaming golden plates. Briar gaped openmouthed at all the food. I laughed and helped myself to some sort of purple pasta in a white sauce.

'What's that?' Asher asked, pointing at my lurid pasta.

'No idea,' I replied, and took a big bite. It was yummy, and I said so. 'Kind of tastes like blooming marigolds ought to.' I said, by way of explanation, but he didn't seem convinced, so I made him try a bite. He then agreed that I was most definitely right, and began on his roast chicken.

We all ate a ton, and then the puddings!! I had raspberries and whipped cream and chocolate mousse, while admiring the artfully towered ice cream.

Finally, we were all full to bursting, and the food faded from the plates. We all stood and stretched, then followed our Prefects into the Entrance Hall, up the marble staircase and through multiple twisting corridors and secret passages. I knew that I had no clue how to get anywhere and, honestly, I wasn't fussed. I'd learn when I did, and besides, I was far too sleepy then to remember anything anyhow.

We arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady. The prefect said the password and we all clambered through the rough hole in the wall. We were in a large, cozy circular room with many squashy chairs and a roaring fire.

Lily and I bade Hughie and Asher goodnight and climbed the stairs to the girls dormitory. I let Tonks out, then changed into my pajamas, too tired to talk. I lay down in my bed, and Tonks curled up under my chin, purring. I feel almost immediately into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When I awoke the next day, for a moment I didn't know where I was. Then it washed over me in a happy wave. I bounded out of bed and leant out the window, marveling as the fiery morning sun glittered on the grass. Tonks pawed my leg, mewing, so I scooped her up in my arms.

I picked up my watch and realized that I was up an entire hour earlier that I needed to be, so I decided to have a nice hot bath. I placed Tonks back on my bed, gathered my clothes, and headed off to the washroom.

Half an hour later I, snuck back into my dormitory, a bit damp and smelling of lavender soap. (My mum makes it, with lavender from our garden.) I folded my pajamas neatly and placed them next to my pillow, resolving to find out how clothes got cleaned at Hogwarts.

Then, I leaned down next to the sleeping Lily. 'Lil. Hey, Lil, wake up, you're at Hogwarts!' Lily opened her eyes, blinking in the sunlight, and smiled blearily at me.

On the other side of the room, an alarm started to trill, growing louder and louder and bouncing up an down like in Muggle cartoons before Hope Finnegan slammed her hand down on it. The other girls woke with groans, and I sat cross-legged on the end of my bed and began drying my hair with warm air from my wand. After a minute, I realized that Demelza Thomas was staring at me as I dried my hair, but she looked quickly away as soon as she realized I was looking back at her. They all stiffly climbed out of bed and dressed, then we all headed down to the common room, where we ran into a bleary Hugo and a frustrated Asher.

'Having problems?' I asked, watching him fighting with his tie.

'You have no idea,' he replied. 'I've never done this before, and I watched the other guys do it, but I still don't get it.'

'Here.' I untied the mangled knot he'd made, then crossed, looped and pulled his tie, until it sat neatly.

'Thanks,' he said. Then, 'will you teach me how? Because, I'll be honest here, I'm totally lost.'

'Absolutely. Later, though, after classes. Right now, it's breakfast time.'

I had expected to spend ages searching for the Great Hall, but Asher took the lead at once and we followed him. I wandered up even with him.

'So, how do you know where we're going?'

He shrugged. 'I've got a good sense of direction, I suppose. I just _know_ that we turn right down here, then duck through this tapestry,' his voice became muffled as he walked through it. 'And we're at the marble staircase,' he finished. And, sure enough, that's where we were.

**So, how do you like it?? Please review. I've only gotten one review so far, and its really bumming me out. So please??**


	5. Settling In and Snowball Fights

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Hogwarts, or anything else other than an assortment of characters including, but not limited to, Saoirse and Asher.**

'That, Asher, is ridiculously amazing,' I said, ridiculously amazed. He shrugged again.

'Everyone has a nearly useless superpower,' he said. I looked at him quizzically.

'What?'

'You know, a weird talent that occasionally comes in handy, but is only there to separate you from the rest of the human race.'

I though a moment on this, then said 'I make really good crepes.'

He laughed. 'Yup, that's a good one, if you like crepes.'

I looked at him, astonished, as we sat down at the Gryffindor table. 'Who doesn't like crepes?' I asked, incredulous. 'They're the best things on Earth!'

'I wouldn't know. I've never tried them,' he said. I looked, to see if he was kidding, but he looked honestly honest.

'Really?'

'Really. There was never really anyone to make them for me.'

Before I could ask him what he meant, he'd changed the subject, bringing Hugo (now more awake and also more presentable, thanks to Lily) into the conversation, and soon, I'd forgotten all about it.

Near the end of breakfast, our timetables were handed around and us first-years headed off through the grounds to Herbology.

When I first entered Greenhouse One, I thought that Neville wasn't there yet. Then I heard a scuffling in one of the corners. I looked around, and there was Neville, rifling through a box filled with small glass jars. 'Nevi-Professor Longbottom!' I cried, hastily changing it; he was a teacher, after all.

'Saoirse! Lily! Hugo! Great to see you, how's the family? Saoirse, is your mum doing okay?'

'Mhm, everyone is excellent. And, speaking of Mum, she sent me something to give to you.' I pulled out the jar of Dirigible Plum seeds that mum had sent, and handed it to him.

'Perfect! That's just what I was looking for! I thought I had some left, but apparently not, and these'll be fresher anyways. Thanks!'

He poured a couple of the greeny-brown seeds into a large tray and then multiplied them so there were enough for the whole class, then carefully resealed the jar and placed it on a shelf. By this point, nearly all of the students had made it there.

'Hello, class. I am Professor Longbottom,' he said. 'And these-' he gestured to the tray, 'are Dirigible Plum seeds. They're hard to get a hold of, but well worth the trouble. I get them from a friend who grows them.' He grinned at me. 'So, first, girls should tie their hair back, then everyone should grab a pot.' I tied my hair up loosely, pushed up my sleeves, and got to work.

The next few weeks passed in a blur, a sort of convoluted mix of faces and names and spells. I made friends with all the girls in my dormitory, and the boys too, but not to the same extent. Except, that is, for Asher. We were so wildly different we fascinated each other; he was so amazed by everything, from the spell I used to dry my hair, to the enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall, to the arrival of the post in the mornings. I was equally mystified by his uncanny sense of direction, his aptitude for Transfiguration (which I had trouble with) and his ignorance of things that I thought were everyday for Muggles, like crepes and home-made birthday cards (Lily's birthday was in early October.) We soon became fast friends, ignoring Hugo's mockery of us. (Saoirse and Asher, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-Ow! Lily, don't hit me!)

I wrote home nearly every day, and I got post almost every morning, much to the chagrin of Athena (Lily's owl) and Robert (Hugo's). When the weather started getting cooler, Grandma Molly sent us all new mittens, which we all appreciated very much; flying classes got really cold sometimes, although they were way too much fun. I went to Hagrid's for tea once a week or more, taking Asher with me, which delighted Hagrid, as it was yet another person to feed rock cakes to. (**A/N: Some things never change.) **

October came and went, as did November. The days got shorter and shorter, and the homework built up to a painful crescendo. We all spent our evenings in a corner of the common room by a window, but still fairly near the fire, quizzing one another on goblin rebellions, cross size Transfiguration and the properties of the Dirigible Plum (which, unsurprisingly, was fairly easy for me.)

The Saturday before the last week of term dawned bright, clear, and fiercely cold. Snow glittered over the grounds, making Hagrid's hut look like a gingerbread house and the castle like something out of a faerie tale. Hugo was sleeping late and Lily was finishing an essay that I'd completed the night before, so after breakfast Asher and I bundled up and traipsed out into the grounds for a romp in the snow.

The snow crunched under our boots as we searched for a good place for a snow man. We found one, about halfway between the lake and the Whomping Willow, and began to pack the glittering cold into a person, because what else would we do in the snow?

We had to push together to get the bottom, then he made the middle, which we heaved on top, then I made the head. I was just pushing in the eyes when something wet hit me in the back. I was jolted forwards, and the snowman's head fell off. I turned to see Asher laughing uproariously. I packed my own snowball and lobbed it back at him, hitting him square in his laughing face. Back and forth we battled, chasing one another around the grounds, hiding behind trees while we created fresh ammunition, then launching into another furious volley. We played until we were too tired and cold to stumble, and then dropped into a snow drift, exhausted.

I let myself fall backwards, my arms spread wide, and made a snow angel. Then I sighed with happiness. 'Don't you just love Christmas?' I asked.

'I don't know,' Asher replied glumly.

I bolted upright. 'What do you mean, "I don't know"?' I demanded.

'I've never really had Christmas,' he explained.

'How can you never have had Christmas?' I asked. 'That's like not having a birthday, or Hallowe'en, or Bonfire Night.'

'Well, I've _had_ Christmas, like, I've been alive on Christmas Day, but I've never really had Christmas, with decorations and food and presents and a tree. I live with my mum, and she doesn't really care about any of that.'

'So, you're never had a Christmas present?' I asked, trying to keep pity out of my voice.

'Me n' my older brother, Devin, we used to wrap up things we already had, and some candy we bought, in newspaper and trade them, and we would put an evergreen bush into a big flowerpot and make paper chains to decorate it. It was nice, it really was.' I fought to not let him see how sad for him I was, but I could tell he saw it anyways. He seemed embarrassed.

We were silent for a minute, then I said 'I'm freezing. Let's head in.' I got up out of my snow angel, then held out my hand to Asher. He took it, warily, and let me help him up. We looked at my snow angel.

'You know,' I sighed, 'It'd be the perfect snow angel, if not for the handprint I made getting up.' I gave Asher a quick hug, and we traipsed back up to the castle for hot baths, and hot chocolate.

**Okay, so as all you wondrous readers may have guessed, I'm a bit of a head case. But I really like lots of things, including faeries and magic and Harry Potter and Irish names, and writing about kids whose parents just don't give, and crepes. And coffee and marmalade. And saying things like 'blah, blah, blah, rhubarb'. **

**And currently, I have the chorus of 'Draco and Harry' by the Whomping Willows stuck in my head. ( You know, the part that goes 'Draco and Harry, sitting in a tree S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G, Draco and Harry, sitting in a tree, F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love.) And, you know, I'm not usually for slash, but I really like that song. **


	6. The Express Again

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, etc.**

**I am really happy about this story. You have no idea how happy this story makes me, and I hope you like it just as much. It'll pick up a bit in about two chapters, when it skips to their fifth year. Then some fun stuff happens. So, stick with it. Please??**

**And a huge thanks to nairiefairie for writing FIVE reviews.**

**And thanks to fallfromreality for the first one.**

**And crepes are like really thin pancakes with stuff in them. One of these days I'll post a recipe. But they are just too much fun to make as well as eat, which makes them more fun than pancakes. And I have like, sixteen chapters written up, I wrote 30,000 words on various things in the last three days, which is like, insane. I looked in a mirror about an hour ago and was like, holy crap, I look like a really pale ghost with chapped lips and too big eyes.**

That evening, I wrote a letter to my mum, and sent it off with Athena. I spent the rest of the evening around the fire in the common room with my friends, where we all fell asleep. I was jolted awake in the morning by an owl landing on me. It was my mother's reply. As the others stirred, I read her note by the first rays of light shining through the window.

**Saoirse- Of course you can bring your friend home for Christmas. Poor boy. And I hope that you don't mind, I invited Neville too, as otherwise he'd be alone, and no one should be alone on Christmas. All my love, Mum xoxoxoxo**

I reached over and shook Asher gently awake. He blinked at me.

'Asher?' I whispered.

'What?'

'How would you like to come and stay with me for Christmas?'

His face broke into a smile brighter than the rays of sunlight that were now streaming through the high windows.

And so it was, that Friday, the four of us boarded the Hogwarts Express to head home for Christmas. The atmosphere was relaxed, and everyone was chatting happily, glad to be seeing their families soon.

Hugo, Lily, Asher and I found a compartment and piled into it. Me and Asher put all of our rucksacks up into the luggage compartment, as Lily and Hugo were both too short, then we all settled in.

'Asher, I ought to warn you, my mum isn't exactly what you'd call _normal._' I said, leaning back against the window and pulling my knees up to my chest. Lily and Hugo laughed, but Asher didn't seem bothered.

'You think mine is? Besides, what is normal, really?' he replied casually.

I shrugged. 'Just warning you. Oh, and one of Mum's old school friends is going to be there too, but don't worry, he's really nice.' I caught Lily's eye and winked. She giggled. Then she appeared to remember something.

'Oh! Mum wrote this morning, she wanted me to invite you two, and Luna and Neville of course, to tea tomorrow afternoon, so that Asher can meet part of the Weasley clan, so he doesn't run screaming on Christmas.'

Asher appeared puzzled, so Hugo added 'Our family is sort of…huge. Mammoth. Gargantuan. And loud. When you guys come for Christmas dinner, there'll be about a bajillion of us.'

'Oh, Hughie, don't be such a drama queen. There'll only be…lets see…' Lily counted for a moment, lips moving silently. 'Twenty-four for sure. No, twenty-five; Charlie's fiancée will be there. Add one more if George brings a girlfriend, that's twenty-six.'

We all laughed at the mild look of panic on Briar's face.

'But no worries, tomorrow there'll only be Lily's family, which is her parents, James and Albus, Hugo's family, which is his parents and Rose, and you, me, Mum and Neville.

'And Teddy!' said Lily. 'He's spending the holidays with us. Mum wrote that he arrived yesterday.

'Teddy?' asked Asher.

'Lily's…god brother, I suppose. Her dad's godson. He's older than us, though. He's practically a grown-up. You'll like him, he's really nice.' Hugo said.

'And,' I added with a grin, 'he's not a Weasley, so he'll be easier to tell apart.'

'Saoirse,' Lily said, seriously. 'His hair is _blue_. He sticks out among us like a sore thumb. But in a good way.'

Asher simply resigned himself to the clan's absurdity and laughingly listened to our descriptions of family and friends as we rode through the snow.

When the Express pulled to a stop at Platform 9 ¾, we pulled our shoes back on and stretched, then pulled on our coats. Tossing our rucksacks over our shoulders, we joined the throng in the corridor. We stepped off the train, squinting through the steam and the crowds. I grabbed Lily' and Asher's hands to keep us from getting separated, and we pushed through the thinning crowd. Suddenly, Lily wrenched her hand from mine and ran, full-tilt to her mother. Hugo followed close on her heels, and I tugged on Asher's hand, and we raced towards my mother. When we reached her, I hugged her tight. I hadn't realized until right that moment how much I'd missed her.

When we pulled apart, I introduced her to Asher, who had been standing awkwardly nearby. They shook hands, and it made me laugh, to see two people I loved, who were vibrant and fun, awkwardly shaking hands. Mum seemed just as nervous as Asher was to make a good impression.

The three of us headed home. (Neville wasn't coming until the next morning; he had essays to mark and an office to tidy.) Soon, Asher and Mum had relaxed and, by the time we got to the Leaky Cauldron, were completely at ease with one another.

We sent everyone else off first, with hugs and kisses and our best wishes to Teddy, who was apparently at Victoire's. Then Mum went, then I turned to Asher, who was looking slightly panicked at the prospect of travelling by Floo Powder.

'Ash?'

'Yeah?'

'Breathe.' He obliged, taking in a deep breath. 'And then you let it go, Asher.' He did, looking sheepish. 'Now, take a pinch of this.' I held out my little drawstring pouch. 'Step into the fireplace. Hug your rucksack tight, don't lose it. The soot might sting your eyes a little, I know it does do for some people. Keep your elbows in, and don't wiggle, or you might fall out of the wrong grate and we'll have to come searching for you. If you do fall out of the wrong one, just sit right next to the fireplace until we come and get you. And relax. It's not at all difficult, I've been travelling like this forever.' He hugged his rucksack tight. 'Oh, and you have to say 'The Banana House' really clearly. That's what my place is called, I'll explain later.'

He took a deep breath, then shouted 'The Banana House!!' and whooshed off. I crossed my fingers that he got to my place, then took a pinch of Powder, put the pouch away, tightened my grip on Tonks' basket, and whizzed off towards home.

**Come on, you know you want to push that green review buttion!! **


	7. Meet the Lovegoods

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, etc.**

**Okay, so this chapter is REALLY short, but it seemed like a good place to end it. The next one will be longer, pinky swear.**

I stepped out of the fireplace amid a cloud of soot. Mum and Asher were already there waiting for me. Mum, like me, was miraculously clean, but Asher's grey eyes shone from within his sooty face. His white Hogwarts shirt was now smutched with soot.

I let Tonks out of her basket. 'Who wants tea?' Mum asked. Both me and Asher said that we very much would like a cup of tea, and she bustled off to make a pot.

'C'mon,' I said to Asher. 'I'll show you to the guest room.' I led him up the spiral staircase. He looked around, awed, at our house. I suppose it is kind of cool; me and Mum have painted the entire main part of the house (the hallways, the sitting room, and the area around the staircase) like a blue sky, with clouds and birds and Thestrals. Right beside the stairs is a tree that took us two weeks, with each leaf perfectly outlined. If you look closely, the veins running through the leaves are actually words, written in dark green loopy script; friendship, family, love, acceptance, laughter.

I led him to the spare room at the end of the hall, and opened the door. 'The bathroom's the one right next to yours, if you want to wash up. Any laundry that needs doing, just leave in the laundry basket in there.' He thanked me, but he was barely listening, looking around at the room. It was a pretty room, painted a deep, rich blue, like the ocean, with dark wood furniture. The bed was made, and above it was a photograph that I'd sent Mum by owl, of me, Asher, Lily and Hugo sitting by the lake, laughing. She must have put it up for him.

I left him to settle in and headed back to my own room. It was the way I'd left it, which was extremely clean. I've always been a bit of a minimalist; I just don't see the point in cluttering the place up with meaningless _things_. I do have a lot of pictures, though, photos and drawings and sketches and small paintings, all collaged on one wall. I also have a lot of books; novels, memoirs, books about plants, and art and magic. Tambien, I have lots of scrapbooks, with pictures of everyone I love and care about, except for my new friends at Hogwarts.

My room was a light, icy blue, with one black wall, behind the headboard of my bed. That's the wall with all the pictures. I have a loveseat at the window, and a set of shelves next to that, one of which swings around at the perfect height to be a desk. That one has my typewriter on it, an old one that goes clackitty, clackitty, clack, and dings at the end of each row. The other shelves have books, notebooks, a jar full of pens, quills, highlighters and what-have-you, and underneath the shelves is my guitar on it's stand.

I sighed and flopped onto my bed, glad to be home. Then I changed out of my sticky travelling clothes, into a plain black skirt that I'd made, white leggings and red tank top. Then I slid down the banister for tea.

My mum had put the kettle on, and then gotten so deeply immersed in her book that she hadn't heard it go off. I laughed softly at this, one of her funny quirks that I'd missed while I was away, and made the tea. I put milk, brown sugar, and honey onto the tea tray, as well as the teapot, three mugs and three spoons. I quickly made some sandwiches, and set those out on a plate, then set it on the tray as well. As I did so, Asher came into the kitchen, looking much cleaner, if a little damp. I ushered him into the living room, and I came behind him, carrying the tray. Mum was already there, curled up with her book, and she had a fire going in the little fireplace (the one in the living room that's used strictly for heating, not the big one in the kitchen that's for magic). You cannot imagine a cozier teatime than the three of us in the living room, chatting comfortably while the snow fell outside.

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	8. Crepes

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. Any of it. Even though I do own some of it, legally, it's just easier this way.**

The next morning, I didn't wake up until 10:00, which is super late for me. I just lay there for a moment, soaking in the wonderfulness of being alive, which I try to do every day, because otherwise it's so easy to lose faith.

Then I rolled out of bed and put my feet down on the floor. I grabbed my hairbrush from my backpack and headed to the bathroom. On the way, I peeked into Asher's room. He was sprawled on his bed, sheets tangled around his legs, hair tousled. I giggled and went off for a shower.

After my shower, I toweled my hair off as best I could, then threw on a long t-shirt, leggings, and thick, hand-knit socks that went up to my knees. I slid down the banister and then skidded the landing and fell on my bum. (stupid socks) (cozy, though) I heard laughter; Asher was coming down the stairs behind me. When he got to the bottom he offered me a hand and I grudgingly accepted it.

But then I brightened. 'Crepes!'

Briar looked at me like I was completely insane. 'Huh?'

'Crepes! I'll make crepes for breakfast!' I started towards the kitchen, slipping and sliding with my socks on the slick floor, but not caring. 'Go in the fridge and the cupboard and find things that would taste yummy with pancakes. You've had pancakes, right?? Oh, duh, of course you have, I've seen you eat them at Hogwarts.'

I said all of this at top speed, while zooming around gathering basic ingredients. But then I stopped.

'Asher??' I said solemnly.

'Yes?' He said, looking a bit afraid.

'How do you feel about the Beatles?' His face broke into a smile.

Fifteen minutes later, the crepe-making process was in full swing. I had a big bowl of batter, two crepe pans going on the stove, and six different fillings; Nutella, spiced apples, Dirigible Plum Jelly, jellied cranberry and chocolate sauce, orange marmalade, lime marmalade and raspberry jelly. We sang to 'Hey Jude' as I slid the first two out onto a plate and dipped the pans back into the batter to make two more. He put the plate into the warm oven so that the already made crepes didn't get cold. During 'Eight Days A Week' we heard Mum head into the shower. I started a pot of coffee and one of tea, then glanced at the clock. 'Neville should be here soon.' Seeing the look on Briar's face, I laughed. 'Relax, he's really nice. You'll like him. He's a bit…different. But really cool. And he likes plants.' Asher brightened at this. Asher loves Herbology.

Mum came down in the middle of 'Help!' I handed her a mug of coffee and sat her down in the breakfast nook. She laughed, but stayed where she was put and did the crossword in the Daily Prophet (which, I'm glad to say, has much improved in the last few years. She would have done the crossword in the Quibbler, but as she wrote it, it'd be fairly redundant.)

In the second verse of 'I've Just Seen A Face' the doorbell rang, just as I was flipping the last crepe onto the plate. Asher got the door, and boy, you should have seen the look on his face. I howled with laughter. Asher just gawped as John Lennon confessed 'I've never known the like of this, I've been alone and I have missed things and kept out of sight, but other girls were never quite like this…'

Finally, I put down the crepes, went to the door, shut Asher's mouth for him, made him take a step back, and welcomed Neville in.

'Coffee?' I asked.

'Yes, Saoirse, please.'

'Asher, quit gawping and make yourself useful. Pour him a mug of coffee.' Asher shuffled off to the kitchen muttering about horrible girls. I went back into the kitchen for the crepes as Neville gave Mum a hug.

'You could have told me that your Mum's "friend" was PROFESSOR LONGBOTTOM!!' Asher hissed at me, as we walked to the table.

'Out of school, it's Neville, if you don't mind,' Neville said as Asher handed him his coffee. 'Thanks.'

I set the crepes down on the table, then sat down next to Ash. I watched him as he selected a crepe, then bit into it with a wary expression. Then he grinned at me.

'Heavenly,' he said. 'Fit for a hand-print-less snow angel.' We laughed as the adults looked at us, confused. Then we all dug in.

It was a lazy day. After breakfast, Mum and Neville did the dishes (since we weren't allowed to use magic). We all played Scrabble (Neville won), and I showed Asher my scrapbooks. I bleached all of our Hogwarts shirts and taught him how to iron, because he had about as much knowledge about the rest of his clothes as he did about his tie. I took loads of pictures of him, including a couple of his botched attempts at ironing. He glared at me, but I told him it would make a good scrapbook page.

Finally, it was time to get dressed for supper at the Potters'. I banished Asher to his room, to make himself look presentable, then switched my oversize t-shirt for a pretty sweater and put on a black skirt. I left my thick socks on; they were the same shade of blue as my sweater, and very cozy. Asher came out of his room in clean black jeans and one of his freshly laundered white button-ups. I made him put it in a bag and put on a black t-shirt, and to switch when he got there, so that he didn't get his white shirt all dirty.

And then we were off, zooming off to the Potters'. When I stepped out of the fire, Lily pounced on me like it'd been a year since we'd seen each other last, instead of less than a day, like it actually had been. I laughed and hugged her back, then waded through the sea of people, hugging godparents as Asher, Mum, and Neville came through. Then I introduced Briar to everybody, and everybody to Asher, and assured him that he didn't have to remember everybody's names. Then I left him to the mercy of James, Albus and Hugo and went to help Ginny in the kitchen.

**Okay, this is sort of a filler chapter. And next chapter is sort of like this too. But the one after is when they're fifteen, and I really like it.**


	9. Christmas

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**Finally, this chapter is done!! I had severe writer's block on it, my mind just wouldn't go. I wrote up to chapter 19 before I put my foot down to myself and just **_**wrote it.**_** And now, thank Kurt, it's finished. Actually, I quite like it.**

When we all had (finally) sat down for dinner, Asher seemed totally at home in this strange family. He'd been fairly shocked to find that Lily's father was _the_ Harry Potter, (we'd learnt about him in History of Magic) but after having his hand pumped, a bajillion questions asked, and a nasty accident involving fireworks and the chandelier that had been aborted by Teddy (yay, Teddy!) he had relaxed.

The food was good, and Ginny had made yam fries with curry mayonnaise, because she knows they're my favorite. Hermione and Rose were speaking quietly at one corner of the table, Rose looking desperate and Hermione looking like she was trying not to laugh. Teddy was telling a story about some prank war that had gone on when he was in third year, and Dom (Dominique, Victoire's sister, a year older than James) was speaking animatedly to Lily about nail polish, or some such rubbish. I sat there, content just to listen to the happy chatter of people I loved.

When dinner was over, we cleared the table and Rose and I helped bring the pudding, chocolate cheesecake, and the coffee to have with it. The conversation then turned to Hogwarts.

'So, Sha, how's school?' Dom asked. 'I hardly ever see you!'

'That's probably because we're in different houses, and different years. It's good.' Dom was a Ravenclaw, like Rose.

'Just good?' asked Ginny.

'It's excellent. I love my teachers, and my classes, and I've made loads of new friends.' I carefully didn't mention Brittany Ackens, of Slytherin, who quite simply rubbed me the wrong way.

'Luna, remember our first year?' Ginny asked Mum.

'I seem to recall that you were the only person who would talk to me,' Mum said this fondly, unperturbed by her lack of friends.

'What about you, Asher?' Teddy asked, trying to make Ash feel included. (I owe Teddy so much; it's pretty much useless trying to count the ways.)

'I like it. Its lots different from home. It's taken some adjusting, you know, to magic and stuff. It's lucky that I have good friends,' he flashed me a smile, 'to help, or I'd be totally lost.'

Hugo and Lily chimed in with a story of how they'd gotten lost first week and ended up running into Percy's daughter, Penny, snogging one of her classmates in an empty classroom, and Ginny said how she'd run into Percy doing much the same thing in her second year.

We talked for hours, and would have for longer, only Lily had fallen asleep in her chair. With a laugh, James and Teddy carried her off to her bed, and after hugs and kisses, we left too.

When we got home, we all changed into pajamas, then put all our presents under the tree. We put out wine and mince pies for Father Christmas (who I still pretended to believe in, to spare Mum the sorrow. Actually, I think that _she_ might believe in Father Christmas, I'm not entirely sure.), and hung up our stockings (Mum had made Asher one when she'd heard he was coming, with his name on it and everything. He was dead chuffed.). Then we all curled up in front of the fire to read 'The Night Before Christmas'. Now, imagine if you will, the mild absurdity of this situation; a Hogwarts professor, two of his students and one of said student's mothers, lying on a blanket on the floor in pajamas, reading about a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. (Little did I know, the four of us here doing this would become a tradition, if a slightly weird one. It was strange for me, and I grew up with it. I don't know how Asher managed to stand it.)

Finally we went to our respective beds (Neville was sleeping on the sofa. Asher had offered him the guest room, which he had declined.) As always on Christmas Eve, I felt too excited to sleep, and yet fell asleep almost at once.

When I woke, it was to a bright, cold Christmas sun shining into my room. I bounced out of bed, slid on my slippers, and tiptoed into Asher's room. He was still asleep, but woke up when I poked him. 'Whassat?'

'It's Christmas, Asher! Your first real Christmas!' I felt myself grinning in excitement for him. I'd gotten him a really great present, and I knew that my rellies had all chipped in to get him another really nice one, and I knew what it was, and I was just so excited that I thought I'd burst with it. I jammed his slippers onto his feet, and we tiptoed downstairs in the dark. I made tea as quietly as I could, then woke Neville. He and Asher got our stockings and we all went back upstairs. I went into Mum's room, where she was already half awake, and we all sat on her big bed and opened the stuff in our stockings.

I'd gotten an orange, a few chocolate galleons, color-changing ink, a magic hair ribbon that held your hair however you wanted it to, some scented soaps, the new CD from my favorite band, and a pair of mismatched socks that Mum had obviously knit herself (she's a beginner). They had pointed toes and one came up past my knee, while the other came halfway up my calf. One was striped in green and blue, the other in purple and blue. I loved them and said so, shedding my slippers in favor of them. They perfectly matched my pajama bottoms.

Asher was completely thrown off guard that he had a stocking full of presents. I watched as he unwrapped the cursory orange and chocolate coins, then a little model broomstick that flew around the room, a box of Chocolate Frogs, hand knit socks in black and green stripes, much more professional than mine ('Sorry,' Mum said. 'I didn't have enough time to knit you a pair, so I had to ask Molly.'), and a little terrycloth package with little bottles of shampoo and soap and a washcloth and such, in serious shades of amber that probably smelled like tree or something suitably manly. Ash was over the moon, and hugged Mum. She was extremely surprised and very pleased.

And boy, you should have seen his face when he saw that my rellies had all pitched in and bought him a broomstick!!

He gave me a picture of us at Hogwarts, in a wire frame stuck in a plant pot, with a little ivy growing between the wires. He said that he'd teach me to trim it, and I could keep it in my room at Hogwarts. I gave him a black woven hemp bracelet with a single small green glass bead. He was very pleased with it, and I didn't see him take it off after that, until it fell off in third year.


	10. Time Warp

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**Okay, right now, go queue up 'The Ballad of Neville and Luna' by the Remus Lupins. Don't play it until I write to, but have it queued.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the luminous Lollie, for making me stop being such an emo kid.**

'Then I declare you bonded for life. You may now kiss the bride.'

He leaned in to kiss her and a flashbulb popped, and it was so beautiful and happy. Mum, in her yellow dress, made a beautiful bride, and Neville, grinning, had a look of total love and devotion as he looked down at her.

I took another picture, capturing the look. It really was the perfect wedding, in our garden at the Banana House in Ireland, with all of us barefoot, for luck. (Plus it saves everyone from wearing uncomfortable shoes.) I stared around at the general splendor, and felt a tug on the floaty skirts of my dress. I looked down to see Scarlet, Charlie's three-year-old daughter. In her little yellow sundress, with her strawberry-blonde hair, she looked like a buttercup faerie. I reached down and picked her up, balancing her on my hip.

'Sha?' she queried.

'Yes?'

'Can I please have a strawberry?' she had a very endearing lisp. I set her down by the strawberry patch and let her choose a couple of the thimble-sized wild berries.

As she ran off to share her prize with her stuffed rabbit, Margaret, I stayed to admire the flowers for a moment. I leaned in to smell a late summer rose, closing my eyes. It was a little bit damp, but still smelled sweet in that fresh way that only roses can. I slid my fingers along the flower and was rubbing the water on my neck when a voice behind me said 'What's that for?'

I jumped, startled, and lost my balance. Asher reached out a hand to steady me. When I had recovered my equilibrium, I explained: 'It's like faerie perfume.' I held out my fingers for him to sniff, which he did.

'It smells just like you!' he said with surprise. 'A kind of fresh, clear, after-the-rain smell, with a little bit of sweet.

I lifted my camera on it's strap around my neck and got a still of his surprised expression. Then it changed.

'So, how d'you feel about your mum getting married?' he asked. He was always like this with me, to the point, which is always a relief from the rest of the world, who dance around the issue until their metaphorical feet fall off.

'I dunno,' I replied. 'I mean, I love Neville, don't get me wrong, but…it's just kind of weird, y'know? Thinking that, while I'm at Hogwarts, he'll come here every night, while I'm at school. It's like it'll be more his house than mine.' He didn't say anything, so I continued. 'It's just been me and Mum for so long. We're going to have to adapt the whole way we live.'

'That's not necessarily a bad thing,' Asher said quietly.

I shrugged and took another picture of him, to sneakily change the subject. I studied him through the lens. He dwarfed me now, his 6'2" to my 5'7". (I haven't grown in two years.) His hair was dark brown, curly, and a little bit too long, but it suited his deep green eyes and wiry build.

Then, the lens was filled with his hand as he took the camera, carefully lifting the strap over my head. He set the camera gently on a garden bench, then turned to me.

'C'mon, lets dance.' He held out his hand and I took it, and we ran off to rejoin the barefoot revelry as the moon rose over the world's most perfect wedding.

A few minutes later, the music halted. I, knowing that I had to go up, made my excuses to Asher, and got my guitar from behind the stage, as Neville went up to the mic.

'I wrote this song not long after I left Hogwarts, when I hadn't yet told Luna that I loved her. We went our separate ways for years; we dated other people, she had Saoirse,' he smiled at me. 'But then, three years ago when we got together, I dragged it out and edited it. And now, it's here, and it's completely true.' I plugged in my acoustic. **(Okay, NOW PRESS PLAY) **When Neville nodded to me, I started the gentle intro.

_Her eyes,_

_Bigger than my mind._

_Her eyes…_

He sang. Then the tempo kicked up, and I sang the backup for him.

_Luna Lovegood, you're too good for your own good, _

_Luna you're crazy but I love you,_

_Luna you're crazy but I love you, _

_We met in the Dark Arts club,_

_And though you wore a lion on your head, _

_I knew that you were different right away._

_Did you know that I was different too?_

_Luna Lovegood, you're too good for your own good, _

_Luna you're crazy but I love you,_

_Luna you're crazy but I love you, _

_I'm not good at much, _

_Much but Herbology,_

_At the Yule Ball I wondered if you'd dance with me._

_Promise I won't step on your toes, _

_I'll do my best._

_My fair-haired darling, _

_Unlike the rest._

_Luna Lovegood, you're too good for your own good, _

_Luna you're crazy but I love you,_

_Luna you're crazy but I love you, _

_Lovegood, you're too good for your own good, _

_Luna you're crazy but I love you,_

_You're crazy but I love you…_

As I played the last chord, I looked out into the audience, my friends and family. My Mum was standing right at the front, and there were tears in her eyes. Neville stepped down off the stage and kissed her. Everyone was looking at them, taking pictures and making ain't-it-sweet noises. Everyone that is, except for Ash. He was looking at me as I put my guitar away. Not in a creepy way, more thoughtfully, but with a look on his face that I'd never seen before. I looked away quickly; that look wasn't mine to see.

I jumped lightly down from the stage, then went to congratulate Mum and Neville. As I did so, I saw Asher go up to the band, which was taking the stage again, and talk for a moment to the lead singer. The singer questioned something of his band mates. They all nodded to Asher, and he seemed to thank them, then came over to me.

'May I have this dance?' he asked me, holding out his hand and bowing gallantly. I took it and let him sweep me away into a clearer area of the dance floor, as the band began 'I've Just Seen a Face' by the Beatles. I laughed, remembering that day when we were ten and I taught him how to make crepes and iron his dress shirts. He smiled at me, remembering the same day, I'm sure, and we got swept up by the dance.

**Okay, so I like this chapter. It covers a lot of important things, and it's cute and sappy, which I like writing sometimes, even if I don't believe in it. Feedback, please.**

**And the opening bit, the 'you are now bonded for life' part, is straight out of Bill and Fleur's wedding in the seventh book. So it's not just me being a freak.**


	11. Alcohol, Proposals and Funny Looks

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. **

**I really like this chapter, especially the beginning. Somehow I always seem to write better when I've been reading Terry Pratchett.**

Hours later, after the last of the partiers had stumbled tipsily home, the moon stared disapprovingly down on four teenagers. To the casual observer, it would look like these teenagers are trying to break into a pretty yellow two storey house dressed in party clothes. They would be entirely wrong, in fact, they would be witnessing the exact opposite. These teenagers had snuck away from their respective parties inside the house, and are now trying to get onto the roof via a large, twisted sycamore next to the house.

The only problem is that the two redheads are abysmal climbers, the boy most of all. And he's in front.

'Hugo! That was my head!' Lily whispered irritably.

'Well, _sorry._ Just slow up a bit and you wouldn't get thunked!'

'It's not my fault that you're slow!'

'Is thunked even a word?' Asher asked.

'No idea.'

'Hugo! Why'd you stop?' Lily demanded.

'I don't know where to go! There's no where to put my foot!'

'Stay still, I'll be up in a minute,' I said.

About four seconds later I was beside him, showing him where to put his hands and feet.

It took another five whole minutes to get to the roof. I waited to help the others across to the roof, then disappeared back down the tree. A minute later, I was back again, clutching a small, heavy bundle.

I climbed onto the roof myself and set the bundle down.

'How do you do that so fast?' demanded Hugo.

'I'm part cat,' I replied casually. 'Didn't you know?'

'What've you got there?' asked Lily from her spot against the chimney. I held up my prize; a bottle of champagne. Everyone applauded very, very quietly.

Now don't get us wrong, we aren't patent alcoholics with drug addictions. We're just stupid teenagers who like the taste of champagne.

I sat down on the warm, dry roof, and quietly twisted off the top of the champagne bottle. (rocketing corks and spewing foam are for amateurs.)

'So, Hogwarts next week,' Lily said.

'OWL year,' Hugo added. I took a swig of champagne and passed it to Lily.

'Time is moving way too fast,' Ash said.

'Or are we?' I asked the universe at large, in a whisper, though, so it couldn't hear.

'What's that, Sha?' asked Asher.

'Nothing,' I replied. Then, 'Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if you were never here?'

'What d'you mean?'

'Like, if you'd never been born. You'd just never have existed. What would change? Like, Lily, your dad basically saved the world. If he'd never been born, none of this would have ever happened. We wouldn't be here. But what've I done?'

This question hung in the air all big and pink for a minute, and nobody spoke. Then the warm breeze knocked it away and Lily said,

'If you'd never existed, Gryffindor wouldn't have won the Quidditch Cup last year.'

We all laughed, and I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind. The four of us spent the rest of the night on the roof, talking, laughing and drinking champagne, not falling asleep until the sun was creeping into the sky.

We woke a couple of hours later, and crept down the ancient sycamore. Yawning, we tiptoed into the yellow house. Everyone else was out cold, sleeping off that night's fun. We each drank a big glass of water, so we wouldn't get hangovers, then crept off to bed to sleep it off.

No one got up until noon the next day. When we did get up, we were all ravenous, and breakfast was on my head, so I created a pancake extravaganza, assembly line style. Hugo sliced fruit, Lily mixed batter, and Asher and I manned (womanned? Peopled? No, not peopled; that makes it sound like we lived there) the two stovetops (the second one courtesy of the oh-so-magical Teddy, who was also making endless pots of coffee). Partway through this, Victoire shuffled in, kissed Teddy, grabbed a mug of coffee and took charge of Scarlet, who was around our feet and in constant danger of being stepped on.

Victoire was beautiful in an absolute perfection personified kind of way. Instead of her mother's Veela hair, hers was read-gold, thick and too shiny to be all human. Her eyes were a clear sky blue, and her skin was flawless. Truth be told, it was kind of intimidating to even be in the same room as her. But she even managed to smooth that out with her mother's elegance, combined with her father's easygoing charm.

Her calm control made the perfect match for Teddy's frazzled chaos, his good-natured insanity. He had this sort of intenseness to his blue hair and steely wolfs eyes, a sort of magnetic truth.

Honestly, they were the coolest people _ever. _Just being in the same room with them made you feel good, like their amazingness was being absorbed through your skin, like sunlight.

Finally, when we were all settled around the room, (most of us on countertops or the floor) eating and drinking coffee, tea, or (in Scarlet's case) hot chocolate, Teddy stood, coffee mug in hand, with Victoire beside him.

He raised his mugless hand for silence. 'As you all know, Victoire and I have been dating for six years, and living together for three.' At this, George and Ron wolf-whistled. Hermione elbowed Ron and Lily, a romantic, whacked George on the back of the head. 'And three days ago,' he continued, 'She made me the happiest man in the world by agreeing to marry me.' A cheer went up around the room and everyone rushed to congratulate them.

I took pictures of them all, absorbing it in through the lens.

Teddy was positively glowing, his hair changing from blue to red to purple to green as the men all clapped him on the back. I heard Harry tell him how proud his father would be of him, and Teddy flushed with pride.

Victoire was radiant, hugging and kissing all the women, showing everyone her ring. In a pair of worn jeans and a white button up belonging to Teddy, she looked happier than I had ever seen her.

They said that they were going to be married in March, when the crocuses came up, at Shell Cottage. (Will Bill' and Fleur's consent, of course) (Which they immediately gave) (Like we all knew they would.) I just sat on the countertop, taking pictures of it all. Asher was leaning on the door frame, looking at me with that same look he had last night. I snapped a shot of him, standing there with that look, in his jeans and t-shirt. I wanted to study it later.

After the crowd around the happy couple thinned a bit, I dropped my camera to dangle on its strap around my neck, and went to hug and congratulate them. I took some pictures of them posing for me together, then went back to my countertop to drink coffee while the crowd swarmed around again.


	12. Awkward!

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

That entire day was filled with hectic insanity; everyone was cleaning up and forgetting things and then coming back, and making huge messes, and Fleur being painfully helpful and getting in the way until Victoire took her aside and told her she was being a bother (for which I am eternally in her debt.)

Finally everyone had left, Victoire and Teddy having been the last, since they with legal magic had stayed to help clean up (again, for which I am eternally in their debt; if they hadn't helped, it would have taken days to clean it all up).

As it was, the place was as clean as can be, and it was just Asher and me. (Since Mum and Neville were on their honeymoon (what a weird word), Mum had agreed to let Asher stay and keep me company, after I assured her that there was NOTHING going on between us.

Jeez, why does everyone think that we're together? We're just friends. Best friends, yeah. But NOT dating.

Anyhoo, once the entire clan had headed off to dirty their own houses, it was oddly quiet. Still, like. Asher went to take a shower and I just sat on the porch, soaking in the last rays of sunlight. I lay down on the porch swing and swung myself gently back and forth, like my mum did when I was little. I closed my eyes, losing myself in the rhythm of it. I must have dozed off, because when I opened my eyes again, it was totally dark. I should have been freezing, but I wasn't, because someone (Asher) had brought out my duvet and tucked it in around me. Asher himself was wrapped in his bedding on the porch next to the swing. I untangled myself from my blankets and knelt down next to him, shaking his shoulder.

'Ash? Ash, wake up, we've got to go to bed.'

He opened his eyes and looked at me. 'No we don't.' His voice was croaky with sleep.

'C'mon, Ash.' I pleaded, impatient, and feeling guilty that he was on the porch instead of in his bed, because of me.

'No, see?' he sat up, grabbed my duvet off the swing and put it over me as best as he could when I was sitting up. 'Now go to sleep.' I sighed and lay back down on the porch, wrapping my duvet around me. But now that I'd moved, I was cold again. I shivered, and pulled closer to Asher for warmth. He was lying on his side, facing towards me and, when I pulled closer to him, he lay his arm across me, around my waist, pulling me closer. With his comforting warmth at my back, I slipped easily back into sleep.

I woke the next morning to voices drifting out of the open kitchen window. I listened for a moment, before identifying them as Hugo and Asher.

'Honestly, Hugh, _nothing happened._ I wouldn't do that to her. We just kind of…fell asleep, and she was cold, and…quit looking at me like that! She's my best friend. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, ever.'

'All right then, if you say so. Just remember, she's got good friends at her back.'

'I should remember, since I'm one of them.' Ash sounded angry and defensive.

'Just…don't, okay? I know how you go through girls. Don't make her the next one.'

'God, Hugh, do you think I'd do that to her? She's not just anyone. And she's my best friend; we're not even like that, and just…no. You have nothing to worry about.'

'All right, then, it just kind of freaked me out, we just walk up and you two are snuggled up on the porch, and it was kind of like…whoa.'

'Eloquent, cuz.' Lily appeared to have missed the rest of the conversation.

'Shut up,' Hugo was turning red.

'Again with the cutting wit,' said Lily. 'Don't you think that he's just so clever, Ash?' she said. I could tell by the tone of her voice, she was _flirting_ with him. This was new.

He didn't reply, just said, 'Hey, what's a guy gotta do to get a cup of coffee around here?'

'Um, go pour yourself one,' Lily replied. 'Or, if you're really that helpless, I _guess_ I could get you one.'

'No, I'm good, thanks.' I heard his footsteps receding.

'What's his damage?' Lily asked Hugo.

'No idea.' Said Hugo.

_Well. This is going to be _fun. I thought bitterly. Then I heard the front door open, and Asher's footsteps approach. He sat down cross legged next to me, without spilling a drop of either of the coffee's he carried. And if you think that that's easy, I'll have you try it, and then we'll talk. I sat up and took the coffee he held out to me.

'Thanks,' I said, my voice rough from sleep. I took a couple of sips of coffee, and felt awakeness flow through me. I tried to stand up, but nearly fell over from stiffness. Asher tried to help me, but I pushed his hand away. 'I'm fine.' I put my coffee down and used the railing to pull myself up. Then I picked up my coffee and, ignoring his hurt look, walked inside.

The idea that _Hugo_, one of our best friends, thought that something was going on had rattled me, as had the idea of Lily and Ash. It's a lot to think about when one has only been awake for five minutes. I sat down on the counter to drink my coffee, ignoring the looks Hugo and Lily were giving one another.

A minute later, though, something happened that rattled me further. Lily held a picture up in front of me, a wizarding Polaroid of me and Asher asleep on the porch. His left arm was around my waist, his right was under my head like a pillow. My pale hair contrasted his tan skin and dark t-shirt. It was, in all the classical senses, a brilliant picture. But what shocked me was how _right_ it looked, like that was how the universe was supposed to be. And it hit me like a brick to the stomach; my fingers spread on the inside of his forearm, the way we curled together perfectly. I realized that I _wanted_ this, from somewhere deep inside.

I made a snatch at the Polaroid, but Lily pulled it away, holding it as far away from me as she could. 'Nope. It's mine.' She said. I looked straight into her face.

'Lily. Now is not the time to fuck with me.' She looked for a second into my stony eyes, then sighed and surrendered it. I left my coffee on the counter and hurried upstairs. I shut my bedroom door behind me and leaned against it, taking deep breaths. I felt winded, like someone had physically hit me.

But this was crazy. We were just friends. I hid the picture where no one would find it, because they wouldn't look there, then went to have a shower.

**Okay, so this chapter is kind of cute, sappy, and startling. Personally, I can't wait to see what the next one brings, because I don't actually know yet. It's 4:12 AM, so I'm liable to write whatever pops into my head, just because.**


	13. Falling

**Disclaimer: I actually own everything in this chapter except for the word 'Hogwarts'. Cool, hey?**

When I came out of the shower, I was much calmer. I'd just overreacted to it all because I was still half asleep. I was probably full of adrenaline from a bad dream or something. I toweled my hair dry, because I wasn't allowed to use magic, then wrapped my towel around myself and headed back to my room to get dressed.

I opened my door and Lily was sitting on my bed, cross legged, looking at a scrapbook of our first year at Hogwarts. Her flaming hair fell in a curtain across her face, but when she heard the door open, her head flew up.

'So.' She said.

'Erm, what're you doing?'

'Looking at a scrapbook.'

'No, I mean, what're you doing _here_, in my room?'

She shrugged. 'So. You and Asher.'

I sighed and rummaged around for a clean bra. 'No, not me and Asher. We are Friends. Yes, with a capital 'F'. Not boyfriend/girlfriend, not lovers, Friends.'

She appeared to brighten a bit. 'So, you don't like him in that way?'

'Not at all,' I said.

'So, you wouldn't mind if I dated him?' I stopped in the middle of putting on a tank top and looked at her for a moment. Then I answered.

'No, not at all. If you want him, he's yours.'

She came over and hugged me. 'Thank you!'

'It's not like I did anything for you. Now scat!' she rushed off, to rejoin the guys downstairs. I just shook my head and finished getting dressed.

I wasn't actually sure how I felt about them dating. Neither of them took relationships very seriously, and I didn't want either of them getting hurt. But what I also didn't want was it becoming unbearably awkward after the inevitable breakup, and it ruining our group of friends. I shook these thoughts away, knowing full well that there was nothing I could do about it.

After I was dressed, I headed downstairs, where my friends were sitting in the kitchen, looking incredibly awkward. _Great._ Just what I need.

'I,' I declared, 'am making crepes.' Lily looked puzzled.

'Why crepes?'

But neither Asher nor I answered; he was turning on the music, and I was pulling out the big batter bowl.

The vibes in the kitchen definitely went up after that; we were all laughing and dancing, the drama of the morning forgotten. We ate the crepes on the front lawn, under the summer sun. It was one of those perfect moments, the ones you want to capture, so you can remember it in hard times.

We were lying on the lawn, under the sun, when Lily said 'Lets go down to the pond. I want to wade a bit.' So we traipsed off through the gardens, barefoot and laughing, completely abandoning our dishes.

Our house is kind of sort of in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by moor to one direction, and grass to the other three. We have charms on the garden to keep sheep out, when the farmer nearby loses them, so our vegetables aren't ruined. A creek runs right across the front and at the end of the garden, creates a little natural pond. We've built a bridge across the creek in a spot just before a little waterfall creates the pond, so you can sit on the bridge and dangle your toes into the top of the fall, which is what Lily did. I sat down on one of the big rocks edging the pond, hiked my skirt up and submerged my legs up to the knees. Hugo stood at the top of the fall, holding onto the bridge for support, and Asher knelt on a rock across from me, looking at some plant at the edge of the pond. I leaned forwards to splash my hot face, and noticed something shimmering at the bottom of the pond.

'What's that?' I asked.

'What's what?' said Lily.

'That there, in the middle. Kind of sparkly, next to that big rock.' I squinted, but couldn't tell what it was.

Hugo looked into the pond. 'Nope, sorry, can't see it.'

'It's right there. I'm going to get it.' The pond wasn't too deep there, only a little past knee-deep. I could pick it up with my toes.

I slipped off my rock and hiked my skirt up farther, to keep it dry. I was standing right next to it. I moved my right foot off the ground to pick it up, but couldn't, it was wedged in there tight. It looked like it had a chain that was caught between rocks.

I shifted my weight, trying to move a fairly big rock out of the way, and my feet went right out from under me. Down I went, whacking my back on a rock as I went, driving the air from my lungs. I tried to push myself up, but my feet slipped on the rocks. I tried to take a breath, and inhaled water.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed me around the waist and pulled me upright. I coughed and spluttered, getting the water out of my lungs. Asher held me upright, which I was thankful for; if he let go, my legs probably wouldn't hold me.

Finally, I stopped coughing, and managed to get a breath into my lungs. I winced; it hurt a fair bit, as anyone who has ever nearly drowned knows. Asher helped me back to my rock and sat me down.

'You okay?' he asked.

'Yeah,' my voice sounded stronger than I felt.

'What happened?' Lily asked. 'One minute you were standing there, the next you were underwater. I thought you'd just slipped, and you'd stand up in a second, laughing, but you didn't.'

'I hit my back on a rock on the way down, it knocked the air out of my lungs. The rocks were slippery, I couldn't get my feet under me, and I tried to take a breath, but couldn't.' I looked into the pond. The sparkly thing was still sitting there, it's chain now free, glittering smugly at me. 'I'm going to get it.'

They looked at me like I was crazy. 'Well, I'm already soaked. Why not? If it makes you feel better, you can stand right next to me.' I stepped off my rock, just letting my skirt float now. I walked into the middle; Asher beside me. I took a deep breath (it hurt) and put my head below the water. I reached down and grabbed the thing in my hand, then stood, pushing my sopping hair out of my eyes. I swirled the thing in the water a bit, and rubbed it, trying to get the algae off it.

'It's a necklace,' Lily said.

'Imagine, all that trouble for a necklace,' Hugo joked.

I looked at the thing. It was very pretty, a little leaf of green glass, with hair-thin copper wire as the veining, on a thin silver chain. I rubbed the last of the pond muck off of it and put it on.

'I like it,' I said. 'And I'm keeping it.' They shrugged at my silliness, then Hugo offered his hand to help me out of the water. I took it, and tugged, so he went flying face-first into the pond. He came up spluttering at me, and aimed a splash my direction. I dodged, and it hit Lily. With a shriek, she splashed back. I sent an arc of water at Asher, and he dunked me in reply. Lily climbed into the pond herself, and we had a good long splash fight.

It was a happy day, full of all sorts of things that didn't seem important at the time, but were. And after it, I wore that necklace every day, as a reminder.

**Please review. I'm so sad that no one reads my story. So very sad. *tear***


	14. Parentless and Friendful

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**I've had a couple of questions about who's going to end up with who. And I'm not going to tell you. After this chappie, maybe try and guess again.**

After that, I didn't see any of them until school started. The next day, when I was drinking my coffee on the porch swing, my Hogwarts letter came. It was thicker than usual, and when I pulled it out, something fell through the cracks of the deck. Swearing, I crawled underneath, and amid all the loose change and single shoes, I found a Prefect's badge. I stared at it, lying there under the deck for a moment, then crawled out. I'd forgotten that Prefects were chosen fifth year. If I'd remembered, I would have thought Lily, or Hope Finnegan maybe. Not me. I'm too much trouble!

I wondered who the boys would be, for a moment, then I shook my head; no way to tell. All I knew was that it wouldn't be Mike Creevey. That boy did not have a leading bone in his body. They were both model students are respectable members of society, not a scruffy weirdo who barely passed Transfiguration in third year, like me.

That very day, I went to Diagon Alley to get my books for fifth year, as well as potions ingredients and new robes; my old ones still fit, but were extremely worn.

A week later, I found myself wandering through the steam at Platform 9 ¾, searching for my friends. My mum was staying at Neville's flat, helping him pack it up, so I'd had to lock the house up and leave by myself. It had been an unsettling experience, heading to Hogwarts on my own, but I just ignored it as best I could. I realized that I'd be doing more things by myself, now that mum was married.

I was squinting through the mist when three people ran up to me, two girls and a boy. The girls were Charlotte Fleming and Demelza Thomas, and the boy was Thomas Bannister. All three were in Gryffindor, the same year as me.

'Saoirse! How was your summer?' Demelza has caramel skin and her hair is always up somehow, in braids or a ponytail.

'All right, yours?' I replied.

'Pretty good,' she said.

'What about you two? Good summer?' I asked Charlotte and Thom.

'Same-same,' replied Char. 'Pretty uneventful. I'm craving a little conversation with people who know about magic. I'm always like; "Damn, I can't remember the incantation for such-and-such spell" and my parents are like "Huh?" It's maddening."

Thom laughed. "Yeah, I don't have that problem. Actually, my summer was really good. My parents bought me a new broom for my birthday.' Thom plays Keeper on the Gryffindor Quidditch team (on which I'm currently a Chaser, though now that James is gone, I'm trying out for Seeker.)

'So, Thom, did you make Prefect?' I asked the question casually.

'No, I didn't. I thought that it'd probably be Asher,' he replied.

'I dunno, I haven't seen him in a week.'

'Did you?' asked Demelza. I reached into my pocket and held up my badge for them to see. They congratulated me, and we all went to load our trunks. Then I said my goodbyes and headed for the Prefect's carriage at the front of the train, with my satchel slung over my shoulder and Tonks in her basket in my arms.

Entering the Prefect's carriage, I found that I was the first one there. I felt awkward, out of place, like an imposter. I gazed out the window at all the parents saying goodbye to their kids and I felt really lonely, all of a sudden. I saw Deva Patil kiss her mother goodbye, and a minute later, she was walking into the Prefect's carriage, where I sat.

'Deva! How are you?'

'Good. My mum was so excited when I got my letter. I can't believe I'm a Prefect!' Deva was a Ravenclaw with dark hair, dark skin, and eyes of the bluest blue. She was striking in an almost otherworldly way. Absolutely shattering.

'Me neither. I was completely not expecting it. You're like, this model student. If anyone had asked me about the Ravenclaw Prefects, I would have said you right away, And Terry for the guy.'

'What's that about me?' Terence Boot asked, walking in.

'Just that I thought you'd be a Prefect,' I said. 'But now that I see you, also that you're getting _tall_.' He was, probably 6'4", with blondish brown hair and brown eyes.

'Yep. That's me. If I was a Muggle, I'd be a shoo-in for the netball team. Unlike you,' He said, eyeing me, but in a nice way. 'You used to be taller than nearly all of the guys. Now you're shorter than Hugo! What's with that?'

I shrugged.

'Oh, lay off her,' Deva chided him. 'It's not her fault that she's short.' Deva's actually shorter than me, but that doesn't stop her.

'She's not short.' A voice came from behind Terry. 'She's perfect just the way she is.' Asher leaned against the doorframe.

'Asher! You're the other Prefect?' I asked.

'Yeah. I'm surprised too.'

'So was I. I was expecting Lily, or Hope.'

'Yeah, maybe someone who doesn't half-kill themselves over a necklace,' he teased.

'Shut up. I was curious, and it's not like I fell on purpose.' Deva and Terry were looking at us curiously, so I told them the story of that day at the pond.

'So, that's the necklace?' Terry asked, sitting down next to me and touching it with a finger.

'Yeah. I like it. I think that it was worth it, although I do have a wicked bruise on my back.' By this point, the other new prefects were beginning to file in, so Asher sat down on Deva's other side. I recognized Lilac Zeller and Chris Finch-Fletchley from Hufflepuff and Brittany Ackens and Alex Zabini from Slytherin. Then Al, in his capacity as Head Boy, came in, and we all shut up to listen.

He gave us a speech about how Prefects were role models, how we weren't supposed to abuse our power or shirk our responsibilities, what our powers and responsibilities were, exactly. When he was done, everyone filed out, but I hung back to talk to Al.

'Congrats! You're a Prefect!' he gave me a hug. He was taller than me, and, objectively speaking, fairly handsome. He looked just like his father; bright green eyes, messy black hair, skinny.

'Thanks. To tell the truth, I totally wasn't expecting it.' I replied.

'Really? I'm not surprised at all.' I looked at him, to see if he was kidding, but it appeared that he wasn't. He saw the look. 'Really. You're clever, you're talented, and you're a brilliant role model.'

I colored a little as he said this, and cursed my paleness, which made it obvious. 'I would say that you're totally off your rocker, but then I'd be accused of fishing for compliments, so I'm just going to drop it.' He laughed. I noticed that he was a little red as well. 'C'mon, let's go patrol the corridors, looking out for miscreants.'

He gestured towards the door. 'Ladies first.' I looked at him like he was crazy, then looked over my shoulder.

'Ladies? Where?' he laughed again, and followed me out into the corridor. We did an entire length of the train, sending some first years playing tag back to their compartments and breaking up a couple of fourth-years who were snogging in the hallway. We walked slowly, talking and laughing. When we'd done the length, we said goodbye and headed off to find our respective groups of friends.

I found Asher, Lily, Hugo and Deva in a compartment near the end of the train. Deva and Lily were talking animatedly, while Hugo and Asher spoke in quiet voices. They all stopped when I came in.

Lily jumped up to give me a hug. 'Prefect. Congrats!' she looked like she really meant it.

'I'm sorry, I totally expected it to be you!' I said. She waved me off.

'Pshaw. I don't care. It's too much responsibility for me anyway. You're definitely the best one for the job.'

'Thanks. Hey, Hughie.' He said 'Hi' back, but without much enthusiasm. He seemed fairly sulky. I looked at Lily and she shrugged, so I let it go.

Hugo was a little taller than me, then, and solidly built. His flaming red hair was getting too long, and he was always having to push it out of his brown eyes. He actually looked a lot like his uncle Charlie, now, and was touchy like his father, a bad combination, which often got him into trouble. From which we often saved him, because we are excellent friends.

**Muahahahahahahaah!**

**Just because I'm cool like that.**


	15. Being Teased and Understood

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**To recap, Saoirse is a Prefect, and she's just been hanging out with Al.**

I sat myself down between Lily and Deva.

'So, you and Al looked pretty friendly out there,' she said conspiratorially. Lily reached out and shoved her.

'Deva! That's my _brother_ we're talking about here.'

'Yeah, Dee, I grew up with him.' I said.

'So? He's hot,' she said.

'Dee! That's my brother! Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, EW!'

'Lily. You're going to have to face it one of these days. Your brothers are sex icons.' Lily shuddered, but Dee continued. 'James is this wild, rebellious troublemaker, Quidditch player extraordinaire. And Al is hot in that total Head Boy, forbidden way. A girl would have to be crazy not to like them.'

'Okay, Dee, if you ever, _ever_ talk like that about my brothers in my hearing, I will just drop dead, on the spot, right _here_. That is so not right, it's just…EW. Let's change the subject. Now.'

'Hey, Dee, my mum got married this summer,' I said changing the subject.

'Yeah, you said they were engaged this spring. That must be so weird, having one of your Professors as your step-dad.'

'Actually, I dunno. The wedding was about a week ago, and I haven't seen them since. They were on their honeymoon, and then Mum's helping him pack up his flat.'

'So you've been living on your own for a week?'

'Yeah, pretty much. These monsters came over the day after they left, that's when I fell in the pond and stuff.'

'How's your back?' asked Lily.

'All right. A little stiff, and I've got a wicked bruise, look.' I lifted the back of my shirt to show them the bruise, a colorful blotch about the size of my two fists. They hissed in sympathy.

'Yeah, well, it could've been worse. I nearly drowned.'

'True that,' Dee replied. 'Now you owe your life to Asher.'

'Yeah, in some cultures, I think that means you're already married,' Lily joked. I laughed, loudly, and the guys looked at us.

'What's so funny?' Hugo asked.

'Lily just said something. So, what are you two whispering about over there?'

'We're not whispering. We are conversing in a dignified manner,' he said, with as much dignity as he could muster. Asher elbowed him in the ribs, completely ruining the aforementioned dignity.

'Yeah, whatevs,' Lily said. 'What I want to know is what you guys are arguing about.'

'Nothing. We really were just talking,' said Asher, but he wouldn't look her in the face as he said it. I let it drop. It was probably just a debate on whether or not Deva was the most shattering-looking girl in the school, or some rot like that. I yawned hugely.

'Tired?' asked Lily.

'Exhausted. As much as I love my house, it can be kind of creepy at night, when you're the only one there. I hardly slept.'

'You want the window?' Deva offered. 'It's comfier.'

'If you don't mind,' I said.

'No, I need to go check on my sister anyways. It's her first time to Hogwarts, and she's really nervous.' Dee got up, and I scooted sideways. Lily pulled her novel out of her bag, and I kicked off my shoes, pulling my feet up to my chest. I leaned sideways against the window, watching the rain that fell beyond it. I closed my eyes and let myself slip into sleep.

When I woke up, it was raining even harder outside. I woke because someone had bumped my feet. I pushed my hair out of my face (it really was becoming a nuisance) and looked at who was there. It was Al, and he was trying to very quietly hand Lily and Asher their lunches. When he saw that I was awake, he made a whoops face.

'Sorry! I was trying so hard not to wake you up.' He apologized.

'Whatever. I should get some food anyways; I've only had coffee so far today.' He handed me a paper bag with my name on it.

'Mum sent it for you; she knew that you were home alone.' I thanked him and crossed my legs to give him some more room.

'I need to go find Logan,' Hugo said, speaking of his dorm-mate, Logan Charleston. 'He said that a mouse got into his dad's potion stores, and now it's turned purple and hiccups balls of fire. This I've gotta see.' He stood up. 'Ash? You coming?'

'Sure,' Asher rose, and Lily stole his spot by the other window, still immersed in her book, some silly romance about vampires, thick enough to be used as a doorstop. The boys left, and it was me and Al. I opened my lunch to find a chicken salad sandwich, an orange, and a thermos of tea.

'You're mum is such a mum,' I said to Al. He laughed.

'And yours isn't?'

'Not really. Not now that I'm old enough to look after myself. She would pack me a lunch, if she thought of it, but she usually doesn't. She's usually immersed in some book or spell or painting or theory. She's a good mum, don't get me wrong, but she's just not…a natural at it, really.'

'That must be hard,' he said, peeling his own orange.

'It is, sometimes. But it's also fun, too, because it's not like there's a huge gap between us. It's not set roles as 'Mother' and 'Daughter'. It's more like we're friends. She treats me like an equal.' I unwrapped my sandwich and took a bite.

Changing the subject, Al said, 'So Lil tells me you fell in the pond?'

I told him the story, and showed him the necklace. He touched it with a finger.'It suits you.' He said.

'It represents the trouble that it took to get it. It, and the gigantic bruise on my back, from where I hit it on the rock.'

He leant against the wall on that side, and I leant against the window, and we put our feet in the middle of the seat.

'How's James?' I asked.

'He's pretty good. He's working at George's right now, while he decides what he wants to do with his life.'

'Not continuing on with Quidditch, then?'

'He's not sure.' Al answered.

I took a sip of tea. 'I'm trying out for Seeker, now that he's gone.'

'You any good at Seeking?' he asked.

'All right. Better than I am as a Chaser, and I like Seeking better. It's less…complex. There's just three things to worry about; you, the Snitch, and the other Seeker.'

We continued to talk as the train sped through the rain towards Hogwarts.

**Mmm. Hogwarts. I wish I could go there. You know, on September First, the year I turned eleven, I cried because I hadn't gotten my Hogwarts letter. Some days, when I roll out of bed in the dark and stub my toe, I swear and then say 'Lumos!' like it's going to help me see. That was just for all you people who think that you're the biggest freak on the planet, to give you some perspective.**


	16. Back to Hogwarts

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

That night at the feast, all the girls and guys in our year ended up sitting together, trading gossip. Hope told stories about her trip to New York that summer, and Mike Creevey swore up, down, and all around that he'd seen Harry Potter in Diagon Alley, and his dad had talked to him, they'd apparently been old school friends. Asher, Lily, Hugo, and I smiled quietly at one another as he said this. Somehow, no one had ever publicly connected Harry Potter and his children. Some people knew, and others didn't, and it wasn't a secret, but it was never really talked about all the same.

Lily insisted upon telling the story of me and the pond yet again. Both me and Asher blushed as she told it and kept our heads down.

We all talked about the upcoming Quidditch tryouts, and who was trying out for what. Char and Hugo were trying out for Beater (she wouldn't get it, he would) and Thom was, once again, trying out for Keeper, which we all knew he'd get, as he's brilliant at it.

After the feast, Asher and I had to lead the midget first years to Gryffindor Tower. They were tiny, even smaller than last years. 'Were we ever that little?' Asher whispered to me, reading my mind.

'Never,' I replied, knowing full well that we had been. After we'd sent the first years to their dormitory, our year claimed the best spots by the fire. Everyone insisted on seeing the bruise on my back, which I showed them. Thom said he had some sort of ointment that his mum made (she's a healer) for bruises in his trunk, and ran off to get it. I thanked him and rubbed some on the bruise; I sighed with relief as coolness sank into my skin.

Finally, close to midnight, someone said that we probably ought to go to bed, as we had classes the next day. We all agreed and headed off to our respective dormitories. I was exhausted; the nap on the train hadn't been nearly long enough. I put on my pajamas and fell into bed; I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

When I woke the next morning, I marveled at how similar the first day of school was every year. I woke up early, looked out the window, had a bath, sat on the end of my bed drying my hair while everyone else got dressed, then we went down to breakfast. And, as always, these things happened. And, sure enough, as I walked down the stairs, I saw a sleepy Hugo and an awake Asher standing there waiting for us.

'Need any help with your tie?' I asked Ash, teasing.

'No thanks. I can do it on my own now, I learned from the best.' He tapped me on the end of the nose. Hugo made a gagging noise, but I was in too good a mood to let him ruin it. I just ruffled his hair and led the way down to breakfast.

We had all of our classes, and every single teacher lectured us on the OWLs. We knew that they were looming, and they were hard, why do we need every single teacher to remind us every single day?

But I settled easily back into Hogwarts life. I was taking Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, and Divination as my elective subjects, which meant a crapload of work. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had said that Divination was stupid, but mum said they just hadn't liked the teacher. She said it was fine when it was taught by centaurs, and I enjoyed it very much.

Quidditch trials were held. I was pleased with the team; Hugo and a third year named Jasper Peakes were Beaters, Thom was Keeper, Asher, Al and sixth year Megan Reese were Chasers. And I was Seeker, which I was super psyched about. Practices began, and it was hard to fit homework in around them. September passed in a haze of Quidditch and essays.

One evening in early October, Hugh and I were walking back up to the castle after practice.

'So, I feel extremely productive,' Hugo said.

'I know what you mean, that was a brilliant practice. But quite frankly, I'm exhausted.'

'Look at the stars!' he pointed at the sky. We stopped for a moment, to look at them. He pointed out Orion's belt, and I told him the story of Orion; how he was in trouble, until his girlfriend had the bright idea of putting him into the sky to escape the trouble. Hugo laughed at the extremity of the solution, and I said that I thought it was a good idea. We looked at each other for a moment, and then he leaned forward and kissed me.

**Oh, don't you just love cliffies? And, you know, I think that I might wait a couple of days before posting the next chappie. Unless I get like, a billion reviews.**


	17. A Question and a Birthday

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

_Recap: [Hugo and I] looked at one another for a moment, then he leaned forward and kissed me._

It was a tentative kiss, more a question than anything else. His lips were chapped, but soft as he pressed them against mine. Then he pulled away.

We just looked at one another for another moment, then he said,

'That was weird.'

'Yeah,' I agreed.

'Let's not do it again.'

'Sounds like a plan.'

And we walked into the castle, and the incident was not brought up again until we had children of our own (by other people, though, in case you were getting any ideas.)

So that was that. The next evening, I was in the common room, curled up on a chaise, reading and rereading my History of Magic notes, trying to make them make sense. I had pages and pages and pages worth, and I knew I'd understood it all when I wrote them, but now it was making less sense than Lily when she got going about some new guy. (**FYI, Lily's boy-craziness is modeled after my best friend, Lollie, who is going to hit me when she gets to this point in the story.) **

It was warm and cozy by the fire, and dead silent other than the crackling logs; everyone else had gone to bed already. I found myself closing my eyes for a second, to enjoy the silence of the world. You never know how big the silence behind life is until you stop to listen to it. And then it's so infinite, it's a bit scary.

Because I was listening, I heard soft footsteps on the stairs to the boys dormitory. Figuring that it was someone who'd left something in the common room, I ignored them. But the footsteps came closer, and they were footsteps I knew. The person sat down on the end of my chaise, a respectful distance away. I opened my eyes to see Thom Bannister, of all people.

'Hey Thom.'

'Hey. How are you?' he seemed nervous.

'All right, you?' this conversation was very weird.

'All right. What're you doing down here?'

'Listening to the silence.' I said. He looked at me confusedly.

'But the silence is, well…silent. That's the point.'

'Nope. The silence is the loudest thing in the world.' This is one of those times when I figure I sound like my mother, but hey, I like the way I am.

He shook his head and dropped the subject. 'Anyhow, I was wondering if

you'd…like to go to Hogsmeade with me? There's a trip coming up tomorrow.'

I considered this for a moment, then said 'Yeah, sure, why not?'

He grinned. 'Great! So, I'll meet you here on Saturday?'

'Sounds good. See you tomorrow.' He bounded back up the boys staircase, and I gathered my papers, shaking my head. I didn't fancy him, really, but I thought that one date wouldn't be too bad, and then I didn't have to say no and upset him. I headed up to my dormitory and went to bed.

The next morning dawned bright and clear, one of those days that makes you want to sing and hear it ring around in the cool air, air that makes running feel easier than walking. I bounded out of bed, showered, and dressed in jeans and one of my Hogwarts shirts. Then I shook Lily awake.

'Lil? C'mon, wake up. I know it's Saturday, but it's Hogsmeade.' She rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. She came out five minutes later with her makeup applied perfectly and her hair just _so._ I rolled my eyes as she dressed, still half asleep. I just don't see why people wear so much makeup. Maybe a bit of mascara and lip gloss, or when you have a date, but every single day, all that stuff on your face? I shuddered just to think of it.

We headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. While Lily wasn't looking, I stuck a birthday cake candle into a bumble berry muffin (her favorite) and lit it. Then I put it in the middle of her plate.

'Happy Birthday!!' I gave her a hug.

'Crap, it's my birthday! I totally forgot!' I laughed and handed her a small box, wrapped in white tissue with a gold ribbon. She closed her eyes and blew out the candle, moving her lips silently in a wish. Then she turned to her present. She undid the ribbon and pulled off the tissue. She opened the box and her jaw dropped. She reached in and pulled out her present, holding it by it's thin silver chain. It was a tiny silver key, inset with blue and green stones, but not with so many as to be gaudy.

'Sha, I love it! Thank you so, so much!' at this point, the rest of our year had come to join us. Thom sat next to me, Asher was on Lily's other side and Hugo was across the table from us.

'Here you go, cuz,' he said, chucking her a squashy package. 'That's from Rose and I.' She opened it to reveal a soft, wide scarf that was the exact same shade of blue as her eyes. She thanked him and tucked it in her bag, to wear later. She went back to admiring the necklace.

'Put it on,' I suggested. She opened the catch, but her hair got in the way. She brushed it to the side, but it was too layered to stay there; it just fell back the way it had been again.

'Here.' Asher took the necklace from her hands, and Lily pushed her hair aside. He fastened it around her neck. 'There. Beautiful.' No one was sure if he meant the necklace or her, but either way, it was flirting.

I poured myself a cup of coffee (I simply cannot live without coffee) (and, in case you were wondering, there's spells on the coffeepots so that anyone under fourth year who tries to drink the coffee has it disappear from their cup), and took a sip. It was strong and bitter, the way I like it; the house elves make good coffee.

'So, Hugo, have you got a date for Hogsmeade?' I teased, trying to make him blush, and succeeding brilliantly.

'No, as a matter of fact, I don't. I was planning on spending the day with my gorgeous cousin. Do you?'he asked, certain that I didn't.

'As a matter of fact, I do,' I replied, satisfied at the look on his face.

'Who?'

Thom grinned at him in a way that can only be described as wolfishly. Hugo looked stern. 'Look here, Bannister. If you hurt Sha in any way, shape, or form, I will beat you until _you_ lose any way, shape or form.' I laughed.

'Hughie, you're so overprotective. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself.'

'Take care of yourself when?' Asher asked, finally surfacing from his flirt-fest with Lily.

'When I'm on a date with Bannister,' I replied lightly, sipping my coffee.

'Bannister, hey?' he said, looking completely unperturbed. 'Interesting choice.'

'What?' Lily asked. 'You're going on a date with Thom Bannister?'

'Yes, I think we've established this fact.' Thom was looking a little awkward at this point. 'Is there a problem with that?'

'No, not at all. Bannister, just look out that you don't make her angry. She's got a wicked bat bogey hex up her sleeve.'

Thom sat there looking stunned. In the last five minutes, he'd been threatened, confused, embarrassed and warned, as a result of going out with me. I laughed at the look on his face and ruffled his hair.

'I'm going to get my coat. Meet you in the Entrance Hall in fifteen minutes.' Lily followed me out of the room. As soon as we were out of the Great Hall, she opened her mouth to speak. I clapped a hand over it, and kept it there until we'd ducked behind the tapestry at the top of the marble staircase. Then I let her speak.

'Of all the boys we know, you end up with Thom Bannister; the hottest guy in the year, the smartest, the best Keeper, and the nicest. How, exactly does that happen?'

'Firstly, I disagree with everything you just said about him, other than best Keeper. Secondly, I didn't start it. He asked me out.'

'When? And why didn't you tell me before?' she demanded.

'He asked me last night, after you'd gone to bed. I haven't had a chance to tell you.'

'D'you fancy him?'

'Not at all, but I didn't want to say no and upset him. I figured that one date wouldn't hurt.'

'_One date wouldn't hurt?_ Do you know how many girls in this school would fall over and die if Thom Bannister asked them out? All of them! Including me!' by this point we had reached the dormitory. I shrugged.

'He's cute, and nice. And, as rumor has it, a good snog. I just thought I'd go out with him once and see how it goes.' I pulled on my blue wool peacoat and my favorite black boots over the hems of my jeans. I looked at myself in the mirror and undid the top two buttons of my white Hogwarts shirt, so my necklace (the one I'd nearly drowned getting) showed, then wrapped my black Pashmina scarf loosely around my neck, twice.

I turned to Lily. 'Do I look all right?'

She snorted. 'You look bloody brilliant. It's no wonder Bannister fell for you.'

I left the dormitory, shaking my head at her silliness, and headed down into the entrance hall.

**So there you have it. I distinctly believe that boys are more trouble than they're worth, but lots of fun.**


	18. Normalacy is Definitely Not Everythingh

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

Thom was waiting for me in the Entrance Hall, chatting with Hugo and Asher. He smiled when he saw me. We said goodbye to Hugo and Asher and headed off into the bright autumn day. **(Just writing the word 'autumn' made me think of when I was in kindergarten and we were working with our sixth grade buddies, and we were filling out this thing with them full of questions, and one of them was 'What's your favorite season?' and I said 'Fall!' and my partner, whose native language English was not asked, 'Fall? That's autumn, right?' and I said 'Yes,' only my front tooth was missing, so it came out as 'Yeff.' And now he's a friend of mine, and in his twenties, and a photographer and a carpenter. And even though I hardly ever see him, every equinox I get an envelope full of pressed autumn leaves, with the word 'Fall!' written on one of them. It just goes to show.)(Sorry about that, I have a tendency to go off on tangents.)**

We walked to Hogsmeade, chattering brightly about Quidditch. I stopped a few times to scuffle and skid in the leaves, which made him laugh. We walked around Hogsmeade for a while. We stopped in at George's shop, where I bought some Weasley's Wildfire Whizbangs and James teased me about being on a date, and then headed into the Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer. I actually had a good time, and when it was time to head back to the castle, I wished that it had lasted longer. He'd been the perfect gentleman, holding doors for me and insisting on paying for my Butterbeer.

The sun began to set as we walked back to castle, and the temperature dropped dramatically. I blew on my freezing hands to try and warm them. He noticed, and gave me his gloves, because I'd forgotten mine. He took my hand then, and held it until we reached the common room. Then I gave him his gloves back, and he said that he'd had a really good time, and I said that I'd had one too, and then he kissed me, gently, and I kissed him back for a moment, and then we put our coats away and went for dinner.

And, just like that, I had a boyfriend. And he was a damn fine snogger. And hot. And nice, and clever, and talented. And, actually, any girl's dream guy.

I'd dated a couple of guys before, but nothing near to this. He was perfect in every way, and I did like him. And he wasn't jealous of me hanging with my guy friends, or clingy, and he didn't flirt with other girls. And he managed to compliment me without sounding gay, which is actually fairly difficult. (Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against gay guys. I just don't want to date them.)

And I had earned the hatred and jealousy of a great number of girls at Hogwarts. But he'd started it, so I didn't feel the least bit guilty.

And time went on.

Al was a great Quidditch captain who'd put together a great team. We won our first match, against Slytherin, 230-10. They were never going to live this down.

A week after the match, Al broke up with his girlfriend of two months, a sixth-year Ravenclaw by the name of Mauve Brown. When I asked him about it, he said that she'd been really clingy, to quote his uncle Ron, 'it was like dating the giant squid'.

November passed like September had, a haze of Quidditch and books, only now I also had Thom, which brightened my life considerably. The second week of December, it began to snow so heavily that Quidditch practice was cancelled, which I was thankful for, since it gave me more time to study and spend with Thom, although rarely at the same time, on the basis that every time we went to study together, we ended up snogging, which was fun, and mildly amusing, but also damaging to my academic career.

However wonderful Thom was, though, something was just…wrong, there. Sometimes when we were talking or wandering the corridors, or trying to study, or even those times when we were kissing in some abandoned place, it felt kind of…automatic, you know? Like, he was brilliant, but I was just following the way it should be. There was no surprise, no fun. And he just didn't get some of the weirder things I said or did, like leaf sliding and talking about the loudest silences, and worse, he didn't even try to understand, but just changed the subject.

In early December, I was explaining this to Lily as we had a romp through the snow, since Care of Magical Creatures was cancelled. She looked thoughtful as I explained. Then she said something that completely astonished me.

'Sha,' she said. 'I think that the problem is that he's too perfect. He doesn't have any flaws, and you _like_ flaws.' And all of a sudden, I realized that she was right.

I waited outside his classroom (Muggle Studies) during the end of the period, before break, after he came out, I took him aside. I began that Kurt-awful speech which began with 'We need to talk' and involved the phrase 'It's not you, it's me', and then I began to laugh. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I had to sit down, in the middle of the corridor, laughing until tears streamed down my face.

Thom sat down next to me, cross-legged and very serious. When I finally managed to stop laughing, he said 'I don't get it? What's so funny?'

And I said, 'That is the exact reason why this will never work.' And he seemed puzzled, but accepted it as a fact, and we stayed friends.

I headed back to the common room, to find it mostly deserted except for Hugo, who was studying Charms. I sat down next to him, and he looked up.

'What's wrong?' he asked, noticing the tear tracks on my face, from the laughing. I told him the whole story, and by the end of it, he was killing himself laughing too. 'Trust you, Sha, to chuck a guy because he's _too normal._' After he'd finished laughing, he asked if I wanted to study Charms with him. I agreed, then realized I'd left my notebook in my Charms classroom that morning, so I went off to get it. The Charms corridor on the third floor was deserted, and the shushing noises of my soft leather shoes echoed eerily.

The door to my Charms room was slightly ajar so I slid in through it. The first thing I saw was my notebook sitting on my desk, halfway back in the room. The second was Asher and Lily.

**I love cliffies. And yes, in one chapter ladies and gentlemen, in a single chapter, our protagonist went through her most meaningful romantic relationship so far. Ain't it great?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

_Recap: The door to my Charms room was slightly ajar so I slid in through it. The first thing I saw was my notebook sitting on my desk, halfway back in the room. The second was Asher and Lily. _

She was pushed up against the wall, and his hands were tangled in her hair as they kissed passionately. A little 'oh!' of surprise escaped my mouth, and Asher heard it. They broke apart, and stepped away from each other quickly. He untwisted his shirt and she tried to fix her hair, which was the same color as the lipstick smeared across her face.

'Sorry, sorry, sorry,' I said. 'I just came back for my notebook; I didn't know you two were here, sorry.' I walked to my desk and got my book. Asher started to say something, but I had already sped out the door. I ran along the corridor, my shoes making harsh slapping noises now, my notebook clutched to my chest. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut and didn't know why. I wondered how long this had been going on. They'd been flirting since the summer, it may have been since then, even, and I just hadn't known.

How could they lie to me? We were best friends. And they had no reason to lie, no reason to hide it. Why did they?

I raced back to the Common Room, running past Hugo and up the stairs to the girl's dormitory before he could do anything but look at me gormlessly.

Mercifully, no one was there. I grabbed a sweater and my broom, opened the window and with the ease of long practice, jumped, holding onto my broom, then swung on when I was clear of the window.

The cold air and the snow calmed me down a bit, but I was still hurt and confused. I flew a lap around the castle, praying that no one looked out the windows, then down to the empty Quidditch pitch, where I sat in the middle of the highest hoop, holding onto my still-hovering broom for balance. I'd been out there for a while, twenty minutes maybe, when I saw a shape flying towards me from the castle. I swore softly, thinking that it was one of the teachers, and I was going to get detention, but I wasn't all that fussed at that point. I just straddled the hoop to balance myself and closed my eyes, waiting for the shocked voice saying 'Miss Lovegood?' but it didn't come. The person drew right up close and then said

'Can I sit down?' I opened my eyes. It was Al. I sighed and said yes, so he swung in and sat next to me.

'So, what're you doing out here?' he asked. I explained the whole thing, starting with the walk in the grounds with Lily that morning and ended up with

'…and now you've come along and I don't know what you're going to say next.'

He ran his fingers through his hair, and let out a long, low whistle. 'Wow. You've really had a shit day.'

'Don't I know it,' I said, and shivered.

'You're shivering!' he said. He took my hands.

'Your skin's like ice, and your jumper's soaked! How long have you been out here?'

'Half an hour, maybe a little bit more. And I'm _fine_.' I said defiantly.

He took off his coat and held it out to me. I crossed my arms stubbornly.

'Okay, just take the fucking jacket. You're going to get hypothermia.' I smiled a little, and accepted it, trading it for my soaked jumper.

'What's the difference between a fucking jacket and a regular one?' I asked.

'Umm…' he looked stumped, and laced the fingers of my hand into his. Then he appeared to find an answer. 'In a fucking jacket, you do this.' He leaned in and kissed me.

I was startled at first, then I kissed him back. He cradled my head in his hand, deepening the kiss. A minute later, we broke apart, but he kept his hand on me, tracing the line of my nose, then my cheekbones. 'You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for.' He traced my lips with barely a brush of his finger, then kissed me so sweetly that I half-hoped I might faint. Then I remembered myself. I pushed him away.

'Al, we can't do this. Lily will kill us, and then Hugo will help her get rid of the bodies. And then our parents and godparents will drag us back into life so they can have the pleasure of killing us themselves.'

He turned my hand palm up and started tracing the lines of it with one finger. It was very distracting. 'We don't have to tell them,' he said, and kissed me again. And that was how it began.

An hour after that, I returned Al his coat and put my sodden jumper back on. I was warm anyways, from all that kissing. I snuck back in through the window, and only Char, whose bed was nearest the window, next to mine, saw me come in; by the look of her, she'd just come in herself. She grinned at me and I pressed a finger to my lips. She made a zipping motion across her mouth and I knew my late-night escapade was a safe secret. I put on boxers and a tank top (my usual pj's) and curled up in my bed, smiling to myself, as my lips still fizzed with his kisses.

The next morning I told Lily that I had no problem with her and Asher. Why would I? I didn't even have to fake a smile as I wished them well; I just had to call up the memory of Al's lips, and a smile appeared on my face. Asher and Lily both seemed relieved by this, and made their relationship public, much to the delight of Hugo; if there was anyone he wanted his cousin dating, it was his best friend.

As for Al and I, our relationship remained a delicious secret. It was passed in footsy under the library table as he helped me with Transfiguration, little looks at the breakfast table, I touch on my wrist as we passed in the hall. In the evenings, though, we would often sneak off to some deserted corner, to snog, and to talk, just about our friends and families and lives. It was nice, to have someone to talk to who actually listened and understood.

**So, now we've ricocheted from her short-written romance with Thom, to her discovering Lily and Asher, to her and Al, a fifth-year Prefect and the Head Boy, having their own forbidden relationship. And now you're all going 'Uh-oh, this can only end badly.' Maybe you're wrong.**

**But probably not.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

Do you know what it's like keeping an enormous secret from your three bestest friends and all of your and their relatives, lest you be thrice murdered?

It is wonderful and terrifying and exhilarating. It makes you feel like you are in a Muggle spy movie. It makes you feel sexy and secret and always on your toes.

And this is how I spent Christmas.

It was wonderful. The day after we came home from Hogwarts for the holidays, Asher, Hugo and I went over to the Potters' to see Lily and all have fun. And we're sitting by the fire, and I see Al go into the kitchen, where no one else is. A little thrill goes through me, and a minute later, I offer to my friends to go make tea, and everyone thinks tea is a positively marvy idea, so I head into the kitchen, and Al kisses me very very quietly so that no one hears us, and as I fill the kettle he follows me with his hands on my waist, right up close to me, and he kisses my neck very softly, barely more than a brush of his lips. And I put the kettle on the stove and turn it on, and turn around and touch my lips to his ever so slightly-and we jump apart as Rose walks in. She gives the two of us extremely suspicious looks, but we'd gotten so good at hiding it all lately that only my shaking hands nearly gave us away, and I hid them in my pockets so she wouldn't see.

We had Christmas Eve tea at the Potters'. I sat between Asher and Al, and all through dinner he was tracing circles and figure eights and loop-the-loops on my leg, which was very distracting, as I was trying to talk to Rose, who is horrifically observant, and she noticed that I was losing my train of thought rather more than usual, and in the end, I had to reach under the table and move his hand back to his own lap, so he didn't get caught.

That night, after putting out the wine and mince pies, after 'The Night Before Christmas' and stocking hanging, I lay in my bed thinking how much I'd changed in the last year. A year ago that day, I'd snuck into Asher's room and we'd lain awake nearly all night, just talking about life, in the way that only best friends can. That night, I lay in my room alone, wishing that Al was there for me to talk to. I tossed and turned for ages before falling into a restless sleep full of frightening dreams.

In the morning, Ash shook me awake with a cup of coffee. Like every year, we went down and he carried the stockings and I carried the coffee, and we all sat on Mum's big bed (now Mum and Neville's bed) and opened our stockings, only now it was 10:00 when we got up, instead of seven.

Mum gave me an Eloise treasury for Christmas, and I absolutely loved it. If you have never read anything about Eloise, then you must skibble away to the bookstore as fast as you everly can.

Neville gave me a copy of Paradise Lost, and one of 'The Little Prince' with the English and the original French, which I absolutely adored.

Asher gave me a notebook. A very pretty notebook, a black one with a swirly gold sun in the upper right hand corner shooting out straight rays of different lengths in all directions. In the middle, in the same gold writing, it said ' In the Midst of our lives, we must find the magic that makes our souls soar.', with proper punctuation and everything, and six gold birds on it drawn in a very sophisticated upside-down M way, and my mind told me that they were gulls, and I loved it very much.

I gave Mum a set of little bronze sun earrings, and a matching pendant, and she loved them. I gave Neville a book of recent discoveries in Herbology, and he disappeared into it for an hour. And I gave Asher a little iron angel, about as high as my hand, with great fanned wings ribbed with steel and covered with beads and charms threaded onto silver wire and spiderwebbed between the ribs. Her eyes were two little washers, her mouth a tiny key, like the one I'd given Lily for her birthday. The angel's halo was silver and copper wire twisted and coiled and wrapped around pieces of sea glass. Her little hands with their finishing-nail fingers were cupped in front of her, so she could hold something, or maybe because she was holding out something.

When he unwrapped it, he looked like he didn't know what to say for a moment. Then he said 'You made her?'

I nodded. 'With the help of a little magic.' I held up my right hand, where my middle fingernail was missing. 'I kind of lost some of me in the process.' I could hear Mum and Neville in the kitchen.

'Sha, this is the best gift I've ever gotten. I can't even begin to explain how much I love her.' He set the angel down carefully and gave me a hug. I hugged him back, glad to have friends, even if they did lie and then I lied to them and it got too confusing. For a moment, I closed my eyes and I was eleven again, hugging him when we played in the snow. The moment was over too soon and it was back to the real world.

That night, we all dressed up in pretty clothes and headed over to the Burrow for Christmas Dinner. We all had a lovely time. This time I purposely sat away from Al, between Rose and Lily, so that no one would suspect anything, and chatted with them about school and stuff, and I explained to Rosie exactly _why_ I had broken up with the gorgeous Thom Bannister. After dinner, everyone split up a bit, some in the kitchen, some in the living room, Lily dragged Rose upstairs to see her new shoes and James, George, and Hugo disappeared off to somewhere, no doubt testing some new joke shop product. I slipped carefully off into Al's room, where he waited for me.

'You're so beautiful,' he murmured, kissing me gently.

'Careful, if you muss my makeup they'll know something's up.' I handed him a box, a cube six inches to a side. 'Happy Christmas.' He opened it slowly and quietly so nobody outside heard. It was a scarf, a bulky knit one in black and green stripes, to match his eyes. A note I'd pinned to it said, 'A fucking scarf'. He laughed softly and stepped closer to me. He draped the scarf so it was around both of us and kissed me on the forehead, tenderly. Finally, here was a guy who understood exactly what was important.

'Here, open mine, I'm too excited to wait,' he said, and handed me a box five inches high and four inches wide and deep. 'Careful, it's fragile.' I opened it carefully. It was a tiny tree, the trunk of thick, twisted copper wire, the branches thinner copper wire, with a million little green glass beads as leaves. A tiny blue bird bead sat on a branch; it's headed cocked on one side at me. A little scrap of cloth, a miniature black jacket, hung off one of its branches. It was exquisite, beautiful and lovely in every possible way. I examined it for what must have been a full minute, before putting it back in its tissue nest.

'Al, there aren't even words.' I stood on tiptoe (he was a head taller than me), and took his face in my hands. He rested his hands on my waist and we just looked at one another for a minute, his green eyes and my blue. Then I kissed him, softly, slowly, with our eyes still locked, which is the most meaningful way to kiss. I pulled away, and kissed him once more, on the tip of his nose.

I checked my reflection in the mirror. Luckily, my minimal makeup made things simple. He checked that the coast was clear and then I left his room and walked back into the living room just behind the girls, so it looked like I'd been with them the entire time. A minute later, Al came in too.

At home that night, I put the little tree he'd given me on the shelf by the window so that the moonlight made little green sparkles on my pillow. I fell asleep with the green sparkles across my face.

**I have to say, the entire thing with Al was NOT in the original plan for the story, but then the plotbunnies took over. I'm considering cutting it short and ending it here, after a conclusion. What d'you reckon?**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**I want to make it clear now that my friend Lollie is only like my Lily in the boy craziness. I don't think she'd ever be like this, but then again, she doesn't have a brother, so I guess we'll never know.**

The next few days passed quickly. Asher and I flew a lot, which I loved. We made something yummy for breakfast every day, and slowly, the awkward rift that had formed between us since the beginning of December was melting away. I put the notebook on a shelf in my room, next to the tree that Al gave me. I was saving it, wanting to start it on New Years Day, a new journal to greet the new year.

On New Years Eve, everyone came over to our house, because the Banana House was the most rural of all our houses, which meant that we could use magic fireworks. Everyone arrived at about nine o'clock, and we sat around the house, doing puzzles to pass the time. At half eleven, George, James, Teddy and Hugo bundled up and went out to set up the fireworks. Five minutes later, we heard a muffled bang, a yelled curse and then an 'I'm okay!' from the hill beyond the garden. We chose not to ask.

At quarter to twelve, we all suited ourselves up in coats and boots. Al winked at me as he shrugged into his jacket; it was the same one he'd lent to me on the night we'd gotten together. We all got pots and pans and spoons to bang together; there's nothing more fun that being allowed to make as much noise as you like and not have a single person even thinking that you shouldn't.

So we all headed out into the garden. I climbed the sycamore really quietly, and Al snuck up after me. James had come back near the house, to do the count down at the top of his lungs. We counted down the last minute until midnight, all of us shouting at the tops of our lungs. Ten, nine, eight…his green eyes were reflecting the moonlight…five, four…I felt like the intensity was crushing me, like I couldn't even breathe from it…two, one. Our lips met as the fireworks exploded into the sky, and I saw them reflected in his eyes, the colors splashed across his face. We forgot about the people on the ground, our friends and family, our lives. All we knew was this kiss, here and now. His lips stopped for a moment, he spoke in a whisper hardly above breathing, right against my lips. 'I think I love you.' I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing, sinking back into that kiss.

_On the ground…_

_Lily, James and Asher were standing in the garden, a little ways away from the gnarled sycamore. James heard voices above yelling along with the count, and looked up to see his little brother and Sha curled together in the tree. Well __that__ was actually quite unexpected. Asher and Lily followed his gaze, to see their best friend and Lily's brother, and Lily was not happy. But, despite what they saw, the countdown continued. Five, four, three, two, one. She kissed Asher, but her heart really wasn't in it. After a moment he pulled away, and the three on the ground looked at the oblivious two in the tree, who were still kissing. Then they stopped for a moment, and he said something. There was no way either Asher or Lily could have heard it, but they both knew what had been said. Feeling utterly betrayed, she stalked off to stand with Rose and fume. Ash and James just stood there for a minute, looking up at the macking pair in the tree._

_'Well isn't that something,' James said. 'Albus and Saoirse sitting in a tree, S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G.' He wandered off, shaking his head. _

_Asher just stood there, lost in thought. 'Saoirse and Albus, sitting in a tree, F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love.'_

A few minutes later, after everyone else had gone in, we remembered ourselves and climbed out of the tree. I went first, and I had just jumped off the bottom branch when a hand shot out of the shadows and grabbed the top of my arm. It was Lily.

'What the _fuck_ was that?' she demanded. Al was looking at us with an 'Oh Shit' face, but I waved him away. This was my argument to fight.

'What was what?' I asked, knowing full well what was what.

'You were up in that tree snogging my brother!' she was trembling with rage.

'He's a big kid, he can look after himself.' I struggled to keep my voice calm. The _last_ thing I needed was to blow up at her right now.

'He's my _brother._ If you weren't going to date with my approval, at least you could have let me know.'

'Oh, you mean like you and Asher did?'

'He's not your brother!'

'He's as good as!' I could feel myself getting angrier.

'And besides, we're just having a bit of fun. You fucking idiot, you've gone and fallen in love with him.'

'It's none of your business! He's seventeen, for fuck's sake! He's a legal adult, he can make his own decisions! And so can I. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, so stop sticking your neb in everyone else's business!'

'So that's how it is? You ruin everything!'

'Can't you just be happy for us?' I asked in a much quieter tone.

'No! One of you is going to get hurt, I just know it, and I don't want it to be him!'

'Sod off! Life is pain, anyone who says different is selling something. The trick to it is finding the good in amongst the bad. And sometimes, it's about hunting out the bad, looking for the loudest silence, so you can pit yourself against it and prove to yourself that you can stick it.'

'You just stay away from my brother!' she yelled.

'And you can have Asher! Since you've taken everything else from me, why not him too, hey?' I stormed off towards the house. I threw open the kitchen door with a bang, and stalked into the living room just in time to hear my mother telling the assembled guests that she was pregnant. My muttered 'Fucking brilliant,' was only heard by Rose, who raised her eyebrows at me as I ran up the stairs to my room.

I slammed the door behind me and locked it with my wand; in a house this packed with witches and wizards, they wouldn't be able to Trace it to me. Then I kicked off my boots, threw my coat on the floor, and collapsed face-first onto my bed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream or cry, or both. A few minutes later, I heard a tentative tap on my door.

'Fuck off!'

'It's Al.' Aw fuck, I'd been hoping that this could wait until later. I unlocked the door, and he came in, shutting it behind him. He came and sat down next to me on the bed. He started to say something, but I cut him off.

'Look, Al, this isn't going to work. They all _hate_ me now. And I hate me too. We never should have done what we did. It was wonderful and terrifying, but it was wrong. And I do love you, _Kurt_ do I love you, but it just won't work.' I could feel the tears streaming down my face now, but I wasn't choked up or anything. 'I think that we should just end it now, as friends, so no one gets hurt.'

He wrapped his arms around me and I sank into them. He was crying too; I could feel his tears hitting my head. I sat up, and kissed him one last time.

''Bye, Sha.'

''Bye, Al. Make sure not to lose the fucking scarf, I bet that it'll come in handy one of these days.' He smiled sadly and let himself out, locking the door again behind him.

Then the tears came in earnest, racking sobs that shook my whole body. I just curled up and let them hit me.

For once I didn't have to prove that I was stronger than what I was facing; I didn't need to be. I just had to be brave enough to try again.

Which I wasn't. I'm too much of a fucking coward. They should have put me in bleeding Slytherin. Or better yet, just killed me and put me out of everyone's misery.

**THE END.**

**Ha, ha, I had you there Lollie. I wish I'd seen the look on your face. No, there's a few more chapters. But that would have been funny.**

**The part that James and Asher say, the 'Saoirse and Al, sitting in a tree, S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G. Al and Saoirse, sitting in a tree, F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love' is out of the song 'Draco and Harry' by the Whomping Willows. I'm not usually one for slash, but Kurt do I love that song.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

I spent the entire next day in my room. Mum was worried, but I just said I wasn't feeling well, and technically it was true. At eight o'clock that night, she sent Asher up with crackers and nearly flat ginger ale, which is supposed to be good for the flu. I said I didn't want any and he sat it on my desk. Then he closed my door, so that they couldn't hear us downstairs.

'Come on, Sha, talk to me.' He begged. I said nothing. 'Sha, come on, I know you're hurting, and it won't get better if you don't talk about it.' I turned to look at him.

'I'm fine.'

'No, you're not. If you were fine, I wouldn't be here.' He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me accusingly. I felt my temper flare.

'Go fuck Lily or something.' I snapped at him. He shrugged and left. I shut my curtains and curled up in my bed again, drawing my covers over my head. I was angry and sad, and I just wanted the world to go away and let me be miserable.

The next day I slept late, and had a shower after I got up. I did all the things I was supposed to; I drank coffee and congratulated my mum on her pregnancy. We sat around for an hour thinking up names and writing them down, then she excused herself to go throw up. I cooked dinner (stir-fry) and did the dishes afterwards. I didn't talk to Asher other than things like 'Excuse me' and 'Please pass the soy'. I sat around in the living room after supper, pretending to read Paradise Lost, but really just sitting there thinking with it open in front of me. I went upstairs and packed my rucksack full of things I'd brought home from Hogwarts, as well as my books from Neville and my jumper from Molly. I packed my notebook from Asher too, but left the tree from Al.

After that, I turned off the lights and lay on my bed, fully clothed. I put my hands over my head and just lay like that until I fell asleep. When I woke in the morning, I was still lying like that, in the exact same position, still in my clothes.

I showered and dressed, twisting my hair, which was really starting to piss me off, up into a bun. Then I put on a coat, scarf, gloves, and boots, and grabbed my rucksack. Kissing my mum goodbye, I left through the fireplace.

I boarded the train, carefully avoiding looking at anyone, and found an empty compartment at the end of the train. I curled up by the window, remembering the last time I'd headed to Hogwarts, and felt intensely sad. But now, snow fell instead of rain, and the whole world looked too _white_, whiter even than my hair.

The compartment door opened, and I saw a boy who Rosie sometimes argued familiarly with, Scorpius Malfoy, whose hair rivaled mine for whiteness.

'Can I sit here?' he asked, gesturing to the opposite seat. 'Everywhere else is full, and I promise that I won't disturb you.' I said that he could, as long as he was quiet. He nodded, and took out a book. I stared out the window in silence for the entire trip back to Hogwarts, watching the snow fall.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned, I was too hot and then too cold, and my hair kept getting tangled in absolutely everything. At about 4 am, I gave up on sleep and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Lily and I hadn't spoken at all; when the other girls asked us what was up, I ignored them and Lily shrugged.

I looked at myself in the mirror, studied myself long and hard, and realized that I hated my hair. I hated it so much, I hated everything about it. I hated the white-blond color, I hated the length (so long I could sit on it), I hated its weird curliness, I hated the way it attracted attention. I hated it so much; I couldn't stand to have it any more. I put hair ties down its length, tying it together, then Conjured a pair of scissors.

With one snip, the entire mass of curls was gone. Now it fell just below my shoulders, just long enough to hide behind. My sheared off hair looked sad; I stuck it in a cloth bag so that I didn't have to look at it. I cut off some more of my hair, here and there, so that it was all more or less the same length (with the loose curls still in it, no one would notice anyways.) I cleaned up the hair on the floor and studied myself again. I liked the way it looked now, less…loud, but I still hated the color, the way it looked like winter sunlight. It was too much of a reminder. I twirled my wand in my fingers, then cast a Color-Changing Charm on it, turning it ebony. There. Now it looked nothing like sunlight and everything like I wanted it to. I smiled at myself in the mirror, and noticed that my eyes still stood out too much. I very carefully changed them to a deep green. Then I turned out the bathroom light and crept back into the dormitory.

I stowed the bag full of hair in the very bottom of my trunk, where I wouldn't run into it rummaging for books, and I could try to forget its existence. I lay back down in bed. I still couldn't sleep, but now I was comfortable. I closed my eyes and just my mind drift.

Reactions to my hair were mixed, ranging from. 'I'm sorry, have we met?' to 'What did you do to your beautiful hair?' to a 'What, didn't like looking like me?' from that Malfoy boy as I passed him in the hall. By weeks end, though, everyone had gotten used to it, and I slipped into the background, just like I wanted to.

I took to wearing black when I wasn't in uniform; Black jeans and a black t-shirt, black sweats and a black tank, but most often, a long black shirt over black leggings, with a black zip hoodie and thick black socks for warmth.

My life began to take on a pattern. I studied more than ever; I got up at the crack of dawn every morning, showered, dressed, made my bed and tidied the area around it, got coffee, and studied in the Great Hall until it filled up with loudness, when I moved to the Gryffindor Common Room where it was quiet. I went to my morning classes, answered questions that I was asked, asked questions when I didn't understand, took fastidiously perfect notes. I was the perfect student. At lunch time, if I was hungry, I got something that could be wrapped in a napkin, then ate in the joint common room while rereading my notes from that morning's classes, and going to see the teacher if there was anything I didn't understand. I went to my afternoon classes, repeated the perfect student act, then went to supper, where I went over my notes from the afternoon practices. After dinner, I had Quidditch practice, and kept series of awkward situations carefully controlled by perfect manners and distance kept. Nights when we didn't have official practice (which were few), I practiced by myself, using one of the practice Snitches that comes when you whistle for it. After Quidditch I showered, then wrote essays and assignments in the Library until curfew, when I retreated to the Common Room to practice spells and finish everything that I hadn't done in the Library. I went to bed at midnight usually, but sometimes stayed up later if I wasn't finished my homework. Every night I was too tired to toss and turn, too tired to dream. I slept solidly for five hours or so, and did it again.

Weekends had their own pattern; I slept until ten, showered and dressed, got myself coffee, worked on ongoing assignments, ate something for lunch, Quidditch practice in the afternoon, dinner, studying, a shower if I needed one after Quidditch, bed. Sometimes I would knit instead of the evening studying, making baby blankets and booties which I shipped to my mother with one of the school owls. On Sundays I polished my broom and wrote to my mother. My life was orderly, tidy, quiet, and unobtrusive. It meant that I could go about the pattern without having to think about anything I was doing, because there was a pattern. It meant peace. I loved and hated it in equal measure. Life was simple.

**I made her do what I do when I'm sad. No, I don't cut off my hair and try to fade into the background. Well, only once, and that a very long time ago. No, when I'm sad I find a pattern and stick to it, stick to a pattern so precise, it could be written down by anyone who cared to watch. And I also eat too little and drink too much coffee. I don't understand how people can mope about. I just stick to a responsible, good-citizenly sort of pattern that says that I'm doing fine, when on the inside, I'm shredded. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

For two whole months, for two blissful, thoughtless months, I stuck to that pattern like Crazy Glue. I rode out midterms, Valentines Day, and my mother's second trimester in that pattern. I was highly caffeinated, extremely clean, very polite, getting better at Quidditch. I had knit two baby blankets, three pairs of booties and a stuffed elephant. I was educated, doing extremely well in all of my classes; indeed, my mother wrote to say that six of my teachers had written to her saying what an exemplary student I was, a role model and an asset to the school.

The first day in March, a Friday, when I was studying in the Inter-House Common Room at lunchtime, Rose Weasley came in and sat down next to me. 'Sha, what are you doing?'

'I'm studying.'

'No, I mean what are you doing with your life?'

'I'm fine.'

'No you aren't! And don't argue! You're losing too much weight, you're studying too much, you never spend time with your friends, hell, you don't even _talk___to your friends. What happened?'

I pushed my chair away from the table and put my face in my hands, my elbows on my knees. I took two deep breaths, then said 'I fell in love with Al.'

'Excuse me, can you repeat that please?' she said, in a very calm voice. I raised my head and looked at her. She looked very composed.

'I fell in love with Al. Your cousin, Albus Severus Potter. I fell in love with him, and we were together in secret, and then Lily found out, and I chucked him before one of us got hurt, and now I'm not talking to any of them.' We just looked at each other for a moment, then she did a very strange thing. She scooted closer to me and lifted me right off my chair, shifting me into her lap. I buried my face in her shoulder, and she stroked my hair. I didn't cry, I just let the weight of it all fall on me, all at once, all that I'd been keeping away with my pattern. She just held me and stroked my hair. The bell rang for the end of lunch, and we still just sat there like that, for a long time. When I finally pulled away and stood, she stood too. She asked what class I'd missed, and I told her. She nodded, and said she'd talk to the teacher for me. I thanked her, and asked her to let me deal with everything else my own way. She said absolutely, only I needed to eat and sleep more. I agreed, knowing full well that I wouldn't, by much. Then I picked up my bag, and kissed her cheek, and headed off to Ancient Runes.

This entire thing has brought me to one opinion; Rose will make a very good mother some day.

That night after my post-Quidditch shower, instead of studying I sat on the floor of the common room cross-legged, staring into the fire. I did this for hours and hours and hours. I witnessed the first rays of the morning sun through the windows, broken into a million colors. Not long after that, Asher came down the stairs from the boy's dormitory, fully dressed. He looked a little startled to see me there, but came and sat next to me, cautiously. He didn't say anything, didn't even look at me. We sat like that for several minutes before I spoke.

'Ash, I'm sorry I was rude to you. And I'm sorry I haven't apologized until now. And I'm sorry that I've been treating you like a stranger. There's really no excuse, but I've just been going through a lot lately.' My voice broke on the last words. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. He didn't say anything. I stood, making to leave, stumbling a little as my legs cramped. I nearly fell, between the tears in my eyes and my smarting legs, but I grabbed the back of a chair for support. Asher came over and stood in front of me. He used his thumb to wipe the tears from my face.

'Look at you, Sha. You're wasting away. I've spent two months helpless, watching you work yourself half to death. I was never mad at you, not for one single second. Not one.' He reached into his pocket and pulled out a frayed and tattered black hemp bracelet, with a single green glass bead on it. He tied it around my wrist. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. He took my face in his hands and kissed me. I let myself get lost in the kiss, in the feeling that this, finally, was right. Then we sat down on a couch together, me curled within his arms, and we talked for two hours, until we fell asleep around 5 am.

I woke up around noon. I was still in Asher's arm's on the sofa in the common room, and he was awake, but looking rumpled. He'd woken me. I looked around. The common room had a few people in it, but they were all being very, very quiet. I grinned at Ash and kissed the tip of his nose. Then we went down to breakfast, which was lunch for everyone else. When we entered the Great Hall, I saw Lily sitting by herself. I excused myself to Asher and went over to her.

'May I sit here?' I asked, gesturing to the seat across from her.

'That depends.'

'On?'

'On whether you're going to make me feel like an even worse person about what I did by apologizing,' she said.

'In that case, I ought to sit somewhere else,' I said, but she waved me into the seat.

'I overreacted. You were right, Al can make his own decisions, and so can you. I just… I felt so left out of your lives, like you were growing away from me. You'd both fallen in love, and I didn't know.'

'We hid it because of you, and Hugo, and the rest of the family. We didn't want to be chaperoned, scrutinized and judged. We just wanted to be let alone, to be ourselves, without influence or embarrassment.'

'You said something, when we were having that row, and it's been echoing about my head since then. You said "The trick to it is finding the good in amongst the bad. And sometimes, it's about hunting out the bad, looking for the loudest silence, so you can pit yourself against it and prove to yourself that you can stick it." At the time, I didn't get what you meant, but now I do. It's about taking joy and comparing it to the sorrow, and to keep reminding yourself that without the sorrow, there would be no joy. It's about having the courage to love.' I just nodded. She stood, came around the table and hugged me. 'Sha, you really do belong in Gryffindor, because you're the bravest person I'll ever know. And I am so blessed to have you.'

A moment later, Hugo and Asher joined in the hug. Al came over and glommed himself on, and then Rose. Deva came, and Thom, and Mike Creevey, who didn't like getting left out. Char and Hope and Demelza, Hugo's mate Logan, Deva's little sister, and me in the middle of all of this.

Suddenly, the Great Hall had turned into this massive, mosh pit-esque group hug, with most of the school joining, including Hagrid, who narrowly missed squashing a couple of first years. We were all falling over and laughing, Lily and I were nearly crying with laughter, and I saw one of the teachers taking pictures. I felt whole and strong and _loved_, and I realized that within the silence lies a secret; if you spend your life striving, even if you lose, you will win.


	24. The End

**Disclaimer: I don't own all of the characters, and I don't own Shell Cottage, or Quidditch. Or Ireland, for that matter, although that would be cool.**

As much as I'd love to have my story end on that inspirational note, there are loose ends to be wrapped up.

Victoire and Teddy got married the week after my enlightenment, surrounded by crocuses. I attended barefoot, even though it was rather cold out there by the water. I wore the dress I'd worn to my mother's wedding, but we charmed it green, to match my necklace, my eyes, and, most importantly, the ragged bracelet that I always wore.

Victoire is expecting twins now, due next March. When she told me this, I groaned. She looked surprised, and I explained that I'd just knit enough baby stuff for a small army of babies. (Now isn't that a mental picture!!) Victoire and Teddy now live at Shell Cottage, and they are some of the happiest people I have ever seen.

In April, my mum had her baby, my little sister, Skylar. She is perfect in every way. I sing to her, the Beatles and the Doors and the song that Neville sang to Mum at their wedding. I love watching her grow. Mum and Neville are battling Victoire and Teddy for the second happiest couple in the world.

The four of us pulled together and helped one another and we all aced our OWLs. We'll be NEWT students come next week.

Lily is dating Thom Bannister now. They get along great, and she's normal enough that they'll never have the problems we did as a couple.

Rose and Scorpius are dating. I got to watch as her and Ginny broke it to Ron. He pulled a face like Wile E. Coyote when he realized that something's flying at him, you know, eyes bulging out several feet, jumping in the air, that whole thing. It was actually really funny. But we calmed him down, and Scorpius has actually lived through a family dinner now, which we may or may not have sedated Ron for.

Hugo is still dating the occasional girl, being all cute and silly and rumpled in the mornings. He's still irritable and fun to poke fun at, but it's a good life for him. He's happy.

Al is training to become an Auror, like his father. We're good friends now, not in love one whit any more. We talk about Quidditch. James still teases us from time to time, but we all know that he's kidding. James himself is playing Quidditch for Ireland now; he gave me and Asher tickets to next weeks match. We're going to have to sneak out of Hogsmeade to go.

As for me and Ash? We spent an entire day this summer lying on my roof, looking at the clouds and saying absolutely nothing at all, just listening to the silence.

**A/N: I am so thankful to all of my amazing reviewers, to Lollie, who it is dedicated, and to my family, who laughed at me and brought me more coffee when I locked myself in my room for five days and wrote the entire story.**

**When you have a chance, take a look at my new story. I think that it might even be better than this one. It's about Scorpius and Rose, and I have no idea what I'm going to call it yet.**

**Until next time,****Elle**


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